Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The IRB Committee has now agreed to the following pre-match displays: 1.. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone still thinks New Zealand are the best team in the world. 2. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads. 3.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room. 4.. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the match stewards. 5.. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. 6.. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament. 7.. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest of the team to ransom. 8.. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away. 9.. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time. 10.. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government). 11.. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight of the WELSH) and burn the officials. 12.. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. 13.. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA.…..
Two socialists at a nudist colony were sitting at the bar. One says 'you have read Marx, haven't you ?' The other replies 'yes . . . . it's these wicker chairs'
Everytime I see this my mind works differently. That bloke is a genius and his mate pushing are idiots!
That moment when you slide the condom on and look at yourself in the mirror with a raging hardon... Then you tell the chemist "I’ll take it!"
I Can Remember Growing Up In Hendon, My Dad Gave Me Money To Go Up The Town To Pay The Electric Bill, But Instead I Bought Raffle Tickets Off A Bloke Outside Jackie Whites Market For A Chance To Win A Van, I Told My Dad When I Got Home And He Proper Lashed Me All Over The House , The Next Morning I Couldn't Believe It A Van Turned Up In The Driveway, We All Held Each Other And Cried, Especially Me I Was Sobbing Because It Was The Van From The Electric Company To Turn The Electric Off........I Got Proper Lashed All Over Again !!!
Welsh police are looking for a group of men after several people were attacked with wooden fence posts. The public should keep an eye out for the Tenby Four.
