The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with last nights performance that they have said they will personally refund all the expenses to their fans who travelled to support them. All they need to do is send their bank details, sort codes and Mothers maiden names and they will transfer the money straight to them
At an English university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to a student, "what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," replied the diligent student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of another student. "Elation," she said. "And you, sir," he said to an American student, "what about the opposite of woe?" The Yank replied, "Sir, I believe that would be "giddy up"."
My ex girlfriend once met up with Pinocchio for a bit of No-Strings casual sex. Really . . . . I wooden kid you. Then when we got older she left me for a toy boy It's apparently quite common . . . . Roger Decorsie left his wife for a bit of Nookie.
My daughter was just defending Holly & Phil saying they didn’t jump the queue but were “taken by the back doors”. I’m pretty sure that’s true for Phil anyways.
"A Newcastle fan, an Sunderland fan and a Middlesbrough fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Middlesbrough was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Middlesbrough fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done. The Newcastle fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Sunderland was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of England, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Sunderland fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked. "Tie that Newcastle fan to my back..." -TID