Champions League Trophy Presentation: the fastest John Terry has got his kit on since Wayne Bridge came home early.
Continuing the ubiquitous John (not proven racist yet) Terry theme: https://twitter.com/#!/VaughanCricket/status/204185829269192704/photo/1
My penis is like a garden hose. I'm not referring to it's length or girth. There just seems to be a permenant ban on me using it.
Michael Owen has been linked with Stoke. He'd be an ideal signing for them. Neither have played any football for years.
Someone told me that I could make ice cubes from leftover wine. I'm confused......"WHAT IS LEFTOVER WINE"? ILD OTBC
Mrs Delia said to me the other day; I'm drinking heavily because screaming at you about how stupid you are, and taking a brick and smacking you in the face with it is considered to be rude! ILD OTBC
I replied; You need to manage your anger! She said, I wouldn't need to manage my anger if you could learn to manage your stupidity! ILD OTBC
When a woman says 'what'? It's not because she didn't hear you, she's just giving you a chance to change your mind to her way of thinking! ILD OTBC
The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong"Is inversely proportional to the severity of the '****storm' that is inevitably coming your way. ILD OTBC
You can only say “WTF”? So many times a day until you just decide to start drinking! ILD OTBC
I love everybody..... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and some I just love to punch in the face! ILD OTBC
I said to Mrs Delia; “You need anger management classes”! She said “you need Shut the **** up classes, you daft twat"! ILD OTBC
I said to Mrs Delia; “Why are you so moody”? She said, “I’m not moody I just have days when I’m less inclined to put up with your ****! ILD OTBC
I said to Mrs Delia; You drink too much, swear too much and have questionable morals; You’re everything I ever wanted in a wife! ILD OTBC
Oh how interesting, let me just write that down on my list of things I don’t give a **** about! ILD OTBC
Some people just need a high five,.................In the face...................with a FIST! ILD OTBC
