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Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2

Discussion in 'Norwich City' started by Resurgam, Feb 10, 2012.

Page 7 of 89
  1. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst Staff Member

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    Gentlemen.
    can we keep this thread to jokes only please.
    I thank you <ok>
     
    #121
    Resurgam, Mar 1, 2012
  2. Tony_Munky_Canary

    Tony_Munky_Canary Well-Known Member

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    Oh for heaven's sake <doh>
     
    #122
    Tony_Munky_Canary, Mar 1, 2012
  3. Tony_Munky_Canary

    Tony_Munky_Canary Well-Known Member

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    Jesus was supposed to be a very wise man, though I'm not so sure myself. I mean, I know I certainly wouldn't trust a bloke called Judas - would you?
     
    #123
    Tony_Munky_Canary, Mar 1, 2012
  4. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst Staff Member

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    That's ok Sid. I liked that one.
    I'm going to tell my local vicar that one.
    He's schizoprenic. You should see his alter ego......
     
    #124
    Resurgam, Mar 1, 2012
  5. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst Staff Member

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    Consider it done ILD <ok>

    Hope I've done the right ones
     
    #125
    Resurgam, Mar 1, 2012
  6. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    On my way to work this morning I was stopped in a police 'spot check!'

    Apparently I've got two pimples and a boil!

    <yikes>
     
    #126
    canary-dave, Mar 1, 2012

  7. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst Staff Member

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    There's nothing you can really say to that, is there skipper? <laugh>
     
    #127
    Resurgam, Mar 1, 2012
  8. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    Stain.jpg

    Time to change the window?
     
    #128
    ilovedelia, Mar 2, 2012
  9. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    #129
    canary-dave, Mar 2, 2012
  10. ncgandy

    ncgandy Well-Known Member

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    Another Tommy Cooper classic:

    A man walks into the doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."
     
    #130
    ncgandy, Mar 2, 2012
  11. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst Staff Member

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    My favourite Tommy Cooper Joke....

    I went to the doctors the other day with a sore throat. He told me to open my mouth.
    "A little raw" he said, so I went "Rr"


    The man was a genius.
     
    #131
    Resurgam, Mar 2, 2012
  12. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    Sure is:
    The location is Saint James&#8217; in the City, an Episcopal Church in Los Angeles, California. They are located at*3903 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010 and they have a website???????<yikes>


    ILD OTBC
     
    #132
    ilovedelia, Mar 2, 2012
  13. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    Well, I suppose the Americans like to think they have a 'head' start over the rest of us!

    <yikes>
     
    #133
    canary-dave, Mar 2, 2012
  14. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    Episcopal Church; It's a job to say with a mouthful!

    ILD OTBC
     
    #134
    ilovedelia, Mar 2, 2012
  15. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    Why do men take showers instead of baths?


    It's disgusting to take a piss while taking a bath.
     
    #135
    redruthyella, Mar 2, 2012
  16. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?





    She gagged.
     
    #136
    redruthyella, Mar 2, 2012
  17. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    How do you shag a fat woman?
    Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
     
    #137
    redruthyella, Mar 2, 2012
  18. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    A lady golfer ran into the clubhouse screaming,
    "HELP, HELP! I've been stung by a bee and I'm allergic."

    The golf pro responded, "Whereabouts?"

    The lady answered, "Between the first and second hole!"

    The pro shook his head and tutted, "Then your stance is too wide." <ok>
     
    #138
    Walsh.i.am, Mar 2, 2012
  19. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

    The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

    "Forget it, man," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball in hells chance of hitting her from here!"
     
    #139
    Walsh.i.am, Mar 2, 2012
  20. monarch

    monarch Member

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    Cinderella sat by the fire and started to cry, "Now whats up said the fairy godmother, I've given you a coach, 6 horses, a new dress and glass slippers".
    Sad cinders said "I've just started my period""
    "No problem my dear, pass me that Marrow and I'll change it into Tampax, but for F..K's sake be back before midnight".
     
    #140
    monarch, Mar 2, 2012
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