Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite
- Thread starter Smug in Boots
- Start date
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Happy Birthday to Anders Celsius, born 27/11/1701.
He died in 1744 aged 42, although his great rival Fahrenheit thought he was 108.
He died in 1744 aged 42, although his great rival Fahrenheit thought he was 108.
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I know what they need 
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It does, too 
It also works with cider
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It also works with cider
An 85-year-old man was rushed to the hospital with possible concussion, and the doctor asked him a series of questions:
“Do you know where you are ?”
“I’m at St Thomas Hospital.”
“What city are you in ?”
“London.”
“Do you know who I am ?”
“Dr. Hamilton.” The grandfather then turned to the nurse and said “I hope that he doesn’t ask me any more questions.”
“Why ?” she asked.
“Because all of those answers are on his badge.”
“Do you know where you are ?”
“I’m at St Thomas Hospital.”
“What city are you in ?”
“London.”
“Do you know who I am ?”
“Dr. Hamilton.” The grandfather then turned to the nurse and said “I hope that he doesn’t ask me any more questions.”
“Why ?” she asked.
“Because all of those answers are on his badge.”
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I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled parking space at TESCO today.
I couldn’t help wondering what the handicap was
I couldn’t help wondering what the handicap was
The Memory Man
A man from Liverpool was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was talking to the bartender when he noticed an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, and had a wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen and any fact that he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
The Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking that he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".
A man from Liverpool was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was talking to the bartender when he noticed an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, and had a wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen and any fact that he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
The Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking that he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Please help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place and, as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds: "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "Come on, God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness f*cking monster either!"