Little Johnny, normally the noisiest in class was unusually quiet. The teacher asked him "what's the problem Johnny"? Johnny replied "its my granddad, he got burned yesterday". The teacher said "that's sad, is it bad"? Johnny replied "well they don't fcuk around at the crematorium"...
I hold my hands up to my own guilt on this thread, and I apologise for that, but can we cut the politics please.
News just in from the Nestle factory this morning. A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly, but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered...
What about the bloke who fell in the huge vat of melted chocolate? His mate was just about to dive in and save him when the rest of the shift shouted “Billy, don’t be an Aero”.
There was a homeless man sleeping inside a big cardboard box outside the train station this morning. Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box. He immediately woke up and said, “Thank you.” “No problem.” I smiled. He looked at me again and said, “It’s empty.” I said, “I know, it’s meant to be a chimney.”
A man goes into a bar where loud music is playing. He spots a pretty girl at the end of the bar and approaches her. “Would you like to dance?” he asks her. “I really don’t like this song,” she replies, “and even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.” “I don’t think you heard me correctly,” says the man. “I said you look ****ing fat in those pants.”
Prison van full of people going to jail crashed into a cement mixer and they all escaped - the police are looking for 6 hardened criminals
