Best/Worst joke

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Resurgam

Resurgam

Top Analyst
Staff member
Jan 30, 2011
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Sheringham - The TRUE gem of the Norfolk Coast :)
Thought this might be worth doing to see who can come up with the best/worst joke.
We could even vote for it.
If you like the joke please rate it as "Play On". If you find it really cringeworthy, then give it a red card.

Dave.....there's no limit to the amout of red cards you can amass mate <laugh>

Here's a starter.....

King Edward was in a state of shock. His daughter had just told him that she was in love with John Motson and wanted to marry him. King Edward told his daughter that that would never be possible. "Why?" wailed the princess. King edward replied......





"Because he's a common tata!"
 
Grant Holt was reading the Yarmouth Mercury one Friday and he saw an advert 'TALKING DOG FOR SALE - £10'.

"I'll have some of that" he thinks, so he rings the number and arranges to go round to check it out later that day.

When he gets to the house the bloke shows him in, takes him through to the kitchen where he finds a scruffy looking mongrel curled up in front of the fire.
"Is this the talking dog"? asks Holty,
To which the dog lifts his head up, turns round and replies "Of course I am, don't you recognise me from the telly? I won Crufts five years in a row from 2004-2009, I was the Blue Peter dog for a while, was a sniffer dog in Afghanistan before I had my own chat show on Channel 5 and I'm currently in talks with Hollywood producers about playing the lead role in the remake of Lassie"

"Bloody hell, that's incredible!" says Grant, who then turns to the owner and questions "But why on earth would you be selling such an amazing animal for just a tenner?"



And the bloke said.......










.....wait for it.....



















............. "cos he's a lying bastard"

<laugh>
 
I recently discovered that , when I was a teenager, my sister used to hide her stash of cocaine amongst her dirty underwear!

I reckon that makes my drug addiction her fault!

<whistle>
 
After being caught up in the euphoria and excitement of City's 5-1 thrashing of 1p5wich Town at Portaloo Road last year, a City fan had forgotton where he had parked his car. He went up to a Police Constable standing on the corner of the road, gave him his registration number and asked if he had seen it.

Now this Copper was a Binner and was really pissed off so he bloody lied and told this City fan that he had seen it but it had been towed away to a Police compound at the other side of town because it was illegally parked.

"What do you mean,'illegally parked' " said the City fan, 'I might have forgotton where I left it but I'd never be stupid enough to park on a double yellow !" "I'm sorry", said the arsehole of a Copper with a wicked grin on his face, "but it was, the compound is about an hour's walk from here"

Still on 'the beat' two hours later the Copper arrived back at the same corner of Portaloo Road where he saw the very same City fan approaching him with a very angry look. "You find your car alright then?" smirked the Copper. "No I bloody didn't !" exclaimed the City fan, "but I did bump into Paul Jewell". "Where was this then?", said the Copper.

"Well, after that bloody long walk, I called into what I thought was a Pub for a Pint. Turned out it wasn't a Pub but a Brothel". "Oh, yes", said the Copper "is that right?". "Yes", said the City fan "and Paul Jewell was in this room with this tart who had her legs wide open. She had them so wide apart that she must have had a six foot fanny !"
"Six foot, six foot, what on earth could you do with a six foot c*nt?", said the Copper.

The City fan replied:






..................... "STICK HIM IN A BLUE UNIFORM AND STAND HIM ON THE CORNER !!!" <doh>
 
I passed a stunning blonde on my way home through the park last night.
"You're gorgeous!" I burst out. "Are you a model?"
"Yeah," she smiled. "Buy the Daily Star and you'll see me on page 3."
"Well, tomorrow," I replied, pulling a rope from my jacket. "You're gonna make the front page!"
 
At an England training sesion, John Terry gets the ball & dribbles around Ashley cole, Danny welbeck, Ashley young, Ferdinand & Richards. Fabio Capello shakes his head & shouts "cones John. I said go round the ****ing cones!"
 
I watched a documentary the other day about how they build ships.

It was riveting.
 
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