A lion was walking down a game path in the jungle when he came across rabbit, Roar said the lion, who's the king of the jungle. The rabbit said "you are sir" to which the lion replied "yes, and don't you forget it" Several minutes later the lion came across a dear on the same path, same question roar "who's the king of the jungle" same answer "you are sir", lion, "yes and don't you forget it" A while later the lion meets an elephant in a small clearing and asks the same question, the elephant picks him up in his trunk, smashes into a tree 3 times and throws him across the clearing. After a few minutes of shaking himself and re-gaining composure the lion stands up and says "OK fella, no need to get ****ty if you don't know the answer".
I went to see an orchestra last night and was appalled by what I witnessed. Call me uptight but there was too much sax and violins for my tastes.
i was at a neighbour's funeral the other day when the widow asked if anyone would like to say a few words, i jumped up and said "bargain".....
A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelery store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.' 'I know, said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!' REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?' The blonde said it was hers. 'Your dog seems to be in heat', the officer said. The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shady tree.' The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.' 'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning' The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!' The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog
