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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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  2. **Hector **

    **Hector ** Well-Known Member

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    Can you imagine if major retailers started making their own condomsand kept the same tag-line..........
    Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better
    Tesco Condoms - Every little helps
    Nike Condoms - Just do it
    Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
    Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk
    KFC Condoms - Finger licking good
    Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands
    Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load
    Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough
    Coca Cola condoms - The real thing
    Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going
    Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
    Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
    Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
    F CUK condoms - no comment required
    Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain
    Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile
    Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you
    Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
    Renault condoms - size really does matter!
    Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
    Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
    Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
    Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
    Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
    AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
    Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
    Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal!!!!
    John Smiths condoms - No nonsense
    Xbox live condoms - It's fun to play together
    McDonalds condoms - I'M LOVIN' IT!
    Intel condoms - Intel inside!
    Frosties condoms - They're grrrreat
    Ariston condoms - On and on with Ariston
     
    #3122
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  3. **Hector **

    **Hector ** Well-Known Member

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    A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a

    Xmas fancy dress party.

    He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden

    leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his

    problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a

    note:



    Dear Sir,

    Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted

    handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden

    leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is

    offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he

    writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he

    receives another parcel and note



    Dear Sir,

    Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a

    monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and

    with your bald head you will really look the part. The man

    is really incandescent with rage now, because the company

    has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing

    attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong

    letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small

    parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:



    Dear Sir,

    Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.

    We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald

    head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse

    and go as a toffee apple
     
    #3123
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    i dont remember this episode
     
    #3124
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3125
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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3126
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3127
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3128
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  9. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  10. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3131
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  12. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    #3132
  13. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    Wombl........Oohhh<doh>
     
    #3133
  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking.

    Apparently Slimming World was not the right answer
     
    #3134
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3135
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3136
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3137
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  18. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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    IMG-20210814-WA0002.jpg
     
    #3138
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3139
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #3140

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