What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear Sir or Madam, Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation. Sincerely, Your Internet Provider
What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.
Paddy wanted to sell his car but it had huge mileage on the clock. His friend told him to wind the mileage back and then put it up for sale. A few weeks later they met up again and Paddy was still driving the same car. His mate asked him why he hadn't sold it and Paddy says 'after I did what you told me it only had 7,000 miles on so I decided to keep it '.
Don't know if others are the same but I always anticipate the punch line. I was expecting something about reversing everywhere
Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suit. The receptionist asks, "Do you have reservations?" The bride answers, "Yes, I'm not sure I want to take it up the arse!"
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
