Jokes

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Whitejock said:
Not a joke as such, but made me laugh out loud. Makes you wonder if everything has been scripted, including the gesticulations & furious looks at Trump when (rightly) ignored by him :D

Poor lass is being seriously manipulated. Child abuse! :)

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She needs to go back to school and get educated properly instead of trying to be a grown up, looks like a snotty self opinionated little sh1t.
 
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Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old time's sake.
He engages a woman of the night and takes her up to her room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'
The lady smoothly replies, 'Well Norman, you old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'
She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'
 
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Shaks and Eire decide to make some money by putting their last few savings into a barrel of whiskey. They plan to roll it to the local town on market day and sell it for £1 a cup, making a huge profit. Rolling it along they stop for a rest under an oak tree.

Shaks feels thirsty (surely not) and says to Eire ‘if I give you £1 can I have a cup of the whiskey?’

‘go on then’ says Eire, pocketing the £1. A few minutes he too starts to feel thirsty. Then he remembers he has £1 in his pocket. So he says to Shaks ‘if I give you £1, can I have a cup too?’

Hard to imagine what happens next but - spoiler alert - they never become rich.
 
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2020VisionofLeeds said:
Shaks and Eire decide to make some money by putting their last few savings into a barrel of whiskey. They plan to roll it to the local town on market day and sell it for £1 a cup, making a huge profit. Rolling it along they stop for a rest under an oak tree.

Shaks feels thirsty (surely not) and says to Eire ‘if I give you £1 can I have a cup of the whiskey?’

‘go on then’ says Eire, pocketing the £1. A few minutes he too starts to feel thirsty. Then he remembers he has £1 in his pocket. So he says to Shaks ‘if I give you £1, can I have a cup too?’

Hard to imagine what happens next but - spoiler alert - they never become rich.
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What’s with this £always thought it was euro or have they seen the light
 
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