Off Topic The Christmas Thread.
- Thread starter Chazz Rheinhold
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
One of my favourite lines from Catch 22
The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likeable. In three days no one could stand him.
I remember the bloke who wrote David Niven's biography saying he couldn't find anyone with a bad word to say about him. He was looking for some balance. He finally came up with someone who said " He could be a bit unpleasant when he had too much gin. So he stopped drinking it".
I must be an extremely nice chap as our lass is always telling me I am as irritating as ****.
I've just hacked my way round Sainsbury's and parted company with over two hundred ****ing notes.
I've been assaulted by many people of every different creed, colour and race in an extended game of trolley wars I didn't wish to take part in, but got dragged into against my will, nonetheless.
I've been hissed at by harridens, glowered at by galoots, and ignored by idiots.
Then I've got home, unpacked and the Missus has pointed out that I've forgotten to buy any sodding scones.
You've bought jam and clotted cream. How do you not think to buy the scones? she politely asked - in the voice she uses for slaying dragons.
So I'm away back out again.
It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.
I'll be cooking a Christmas goose and a prime rib, to be downed with something none of you have ever seen. No, not letters of transit signed by General de Gaulle, but Missouri wine. Mmmmmmm!
Listen to the doctor, good advice for calm & peace over Christmas.
Heard a Dr. on TV (a real one, not a pretend one!) say to have inner peace we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to yor frends who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And to al hve a Marry Crispmouse.
Heard a Dr. on TV (a real one, not a pretend one!) say to have inner peace we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to yor frends who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And to al hve a Marry Crispmouse.
Stupidly tried to do some shopping in Asda today , spent an hour getting more and more angry , then when the self service machine kept being a dick about unrecognised items in the bagging area, I spat my dummy out and left all my items on the conveyor and returned to the car empty handed , if you were one of the people in the que behind me , soz about that 
Stupidly tried to do some shopping in Asda today , spent an hour getting more and more angry , then when the self service machine kept being a dick about unrecognised items in the bagging area, I spat my dummy out and left all my items on the conveyor and returned to the car empty handed , if you were one of the people in the que behind me , soz about that
You must log in or register to see media
She didn't mean it unless she said it with her arms crossed Ernie.... if she was tapping her foot at the same time, you get there and there are non left, can I just say its been a pleasure reading your posts...
I'm sorry for your loss, though why your beloved was not baking you perfect date and walnut scones on your return I am baffled, unless you arrived home to early and ...
Date and walnut
Very nice
Kinnell.
The worst of all possible fruits (so bad that you have to fanny on with it big time in order to make it edible) and the worst of all possible nuts, in the same scone.
It's like a bun made by Fred West and Harold Shipman.
Cheese, plain or a few good quality sultanas.
Nothing else.
****ing heathens.