Urinating

"having seriously analyzed my urinal usage and i appear to always use a position furthest from the entrance to the toilets.. usually in a corner thusly minimising splash back.. "

I have psycho analysed your bahavior returnofthesweatband and after hours of due consideration, I have come to the conclusion that ...



... you are hiding in the corner as you have an embarassingly tiny penis and would thus be mortified by the mere thought of any form of 'appendage comparison' by the 'big boys'.


That will be £500 for the consultation, thank you. Your next appointment is tomorrow. <ok>
 
Obi Wan said:
"having seriously analyzed my urinal usage and i appear to always use a position furthest from the entrance to the toilets.. usually in a corner thusly minimising splash back.. "

I have psycho analysed your bahavior returnofthesweatband and after hours of due consideration, I have come to the conclusion that ...



... you are hiding in the corner as you have an embarassingly tiny penis and would thus be mortified by the mere thought of any form of 'appendage comparison' by the 'big boys'.


That will be £500 for the consultation, thank you. Your next appointment is tomorrow. <ok>
Click to expand...

<laugh>

Have no reason to be ashamed of big jim an the twins. <ok>
 
I tried tattooing mine with "Obi Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master from a galaxy far, far away. Keeper of the peace and guardian of the universe."

However, I could only the first 7 letters on the pathatic little thing. Now each time I look, I think it's a command - and so duly oblige. :emoticon-0148-yes:
 
I have mid pee farts. Every single time. Doesn't matter if I farted five seconds ago, about five seconds before I finish peeing another one will find its way to freedom.

Can honestly say I have never shat myself whilst peeing.
 
Swarbs said:
I have mid pee farts. Every single time. Doesn't matter if I farted five seconds ago, about five seconds before I finish peeing another one will find its way to freedom.
Can honestly say I have never shat myself whilst peeing.
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<laugh><laugh>

That is exactly what I do - every time. And usually a right good ripper too. The mini Obi's can hear it fom another room and shout "Daaaaaadd!" in a disgusted voice. I quietly laugh to myself every time.
 
Interesting factoid swarbs..

On the subject of trumping I just produced a moist one.. Not whilst peeing mind..

Once when I had norovirus I coughed an **** myself.. Thankfully I was in the spare bed.. I then proceeded to vomit an **** at the same time.. First time I was the wrong way round an had my head over the bog. Second time I wised up an sat on the lav whilst simultaneously vomiting into the bath..



Who says men can't multi task eh..
 
returnofthesweatband said:
Interesting factoid swarbs..

On the subject of trumping I just produced a moist one.. Not whilst peeing mind..

Once when I had norovirus I coughed an **** myself.. Thankfully I was in the spare bed.. I then proceeded to vomit an **** at the same time.. First time I was the wrong way round an had my head over the bog. Second time I wised up an sat on the lav whilst simultaneously vomiting into the bath..



Who says men can't multi task eh..
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Did the missus mid you vomming while she was in the bath?
 
"Here you go a dear, an amazing new instant mud-pack to help your beautiful complexion. Now close your eyes and hold your breath."
 
campbell:3160017 said:
What bothers me is that whenever I piss after a few beers, no matter how many times i shake it, wipe it, do the helicopter with it, hold it under the handdrier (or even those fancy new Dyson Airblades), the last bit always, ALWAYS goes down my leg.

Never happens at home, where i often like to treat myself to a lazy sit-down wee.
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The lazy sit down, for me, is usually saved for that first piss you have to do in the morning just out of bed. Especially if your floored with a hangover.
 
returnofthesweatband:3154171 said:
Rusholme Ruffian said:
I avoid this situation wherever possible. I'd rather wait or, preferrably, go into a cubicle than suffer the hassle of standing shoulder to shoulder and having cock lock.

I love pissing at Old Trafford, you wait your turn, squeeze in and then can't piss as the person behind is stood two inches away breathing down your neck. Then turning bright purple while attempting to force the piss out of by now totally closed up dick.

****ing loves it.
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<laugh>

I ****ing hate that.. nothing worse than a bout of can't piss won't piss.. how long do you give it before giving up?? I often find if i close my eyes and think of england it helps... or focus on the standard wiped bogey on the wall in front of said urinal..
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Terrible for the old stagefright myself. Try my trick that seems to always work for me, bring your phone into the toilet and read it as you stand at the urinal. Don't know why, just always seems to work for me
 
returnofthesweatband said:
Well its been a while since i last wrote some utter nonsense so thought i should..


I went to a gig at the O2 last night, When going for a piss for the second time i realised I was stood in the same place as i had the first time.. the Loo's were the size of an apartment and empty, each and every time i went for a piss I used the same spot..

Which got me thinking is there an optimum position in the urinals when in a club or pub... So i have come to the conclusion, having seriously analyzed my urinal usage and i appear to always use a position furthest from the entrance to the toilets.. usually in a corner thusly minimising splash back..


Am i weird or do others have a preferred position when using the urinals??
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All this means is you have a MASSIVE inferiority complex
 
At my age, my most favourite piss, is when I am awake, and preferably, not when i'm being told I've already done one.
 
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