"having seriously analyzed my urinal usage and i appear to always use a position furthest from the entrance to the toilets.. usually in a corner thusly minimising splash back.. " I have psycho analysed your bahavior returnofthesweatband and after hours of due consideration, I have come to the conclusion that ... ... you are hiding in the corner as you have an embarassingly tiny penis and would thus be mortified by the mere thought of any form of 'appendage comparison' by the 'big boys'. That will be £500 for the consultation, thank you. Your next appointment is tomorrow.
'big jim' eh? So have you tattood it with "returnofthesweatband Not606 Senior member from A town called Malice" then?
I tried tattooing mine with "Obi Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master from a galaxy far, far away. Keeper of the peace and guardian of the universe." However, I could only the first 7 letters on the pathatic little thing. Now each time I look, I think it's a command - and so duly oblige.
I have mid pee farts. Every single time. Doesn't matter if I farted five seconds ago, about five seconds before I finish peeing another one will find its way to freedom. Can honestly say I have never shat myself whilst peeing.
That is exactly what I do - every time. And usually a right good ripper too. The mini Obi's can hear it fom another room and shout "Daaaaaadd!" in a disgusted voice. I quietly laugh to myself every time.
Interesting factoid swarbs.. On the subject of trumping I just produced a moist one.. Not whilst peeing mind.. Once when I had norovirus I coughed an **** myself.. Thankfully I was in the spare bed.. I then proceeded to vomit an **** at the same time.. First time I was the wrong way round an had my head over the bog. Second time I wised up an sat on the lav whilst simultaneously vomiting into the bath.. Who says men can't multi task eh..
"Here you go a dear, an amazing new instant mud-pack to help your beautiful complexion. Now close your eyes and hold your breath."
The lazy sit down, for me, is usually saved for that first piss you have to do in the morning just out of bed. Especially if your floored with a hangover.
Terrible for the old stagefright myself. Try my trick that seems to always work for me, bring your phone into the toilet and read it as you stand at the urinal. Don't know why, just always seems to work for me
At my age, my most favourite piss, is when I am awake, and preferably, not when i'm being told I've already done one.
