Off Topic This might just save your life….

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

You ****ing love it, you perv.

Again, is that what the "DOC" said

 

[Staines R's]

Stainsey! Sorry, mate. Only just seen this thread. I had no idea you’d been diagnosed. Really sorry to hear that, but glad there are options for you. Some sexy pee-panties and an uncomfortable straw are probably a small price to pay under the circumstances, but getting older is a bitch, innit?

My late father had prostrate cancer for a good 20 years and was one of those dying with, rather than dying because of it.

Great advice for us all, mate. Women are much better at discussing health issues like breast or cervical cancer and us chaps need to remove the stigma surrounding our ailments too.

I had a PSA test and anal intruder examination in January this year. The funny thing was, the doctor was probing around up there for a good 3-5 minutes before I realised he had both hands on my shoulders…

I had a not too different experience when I had my first rectal examination…..
As the Doctor did the deed, I could feel something cold, hard and metallic press against my sensitive part….of course this was quite unpleasant so I said

“Doctor, this is a bit uncomfortable, would you mind removing your wedding ring “

To which he replied

“That’s funny, I’m not married and I’m not wearing a wedding ring…..happy to remove my watch though”

I’m here all week

 

[Uber_Hoop]

Again, is that what the "DOC" said

I’ll set ‘em up…

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

I’ll set ‘em up…

Thanks Ubes, you're so benevolent

 

[Steelmonkey]

I had a not too different experience when I had my first rectal examination…..
As the Doctor did the deed, I could feel something cold, hard and metallic press against my sensitive part….of course this was quite unpleasant so I said

“Doctor, this is a bit uncomfortable, would you mind removing your wedding ring “

To which he replied

“That’s funny, I’m not married and I’m not wearing a wedding ring…..happy to remove my watch though”

I’m here all week

Hope we're not going to get in trouble with the thought polis because of the way this thread has degenerated into childish banter

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

I had a not too different experience when I had my first rectal examination…..
As the Doctor did the deed, I could feel something cold, hard and metallic press against my sensitive part….of course this was quite unpleasant so I said

“Doctor, this is a bit uncomfortable, would you mind removing your wedding ring “

To which he replied

“That’s funny, I’m not married and I’m not wearing a wedding ring…..happy to remove my watch though”

I’m here all week

Amazing how this sobering thread has turned into the "Jokes" thread. But as they say, laughter IS the best medicine.
So get well soon Stainesy and HB. I'm sure we all want to share many more laughs with you guys

 

[Uber_Hoop]

Hope we're not going to get in trouble with the thought polis because of the way this thread has degenerated into childish banter

Yeah, those people get right up my arse…

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

Yeah, those people get right up my arse…

I think I'll leave that alone ... but it's soooo tempting!

 

[Uber_Hoop]

I think I'll leave that alone ... but it's soooo tempting!

That’s what he said.

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

That’s what he said.

Michael Scott would be proud of you.

 

[Wherever]

Hope we're not going to get in trouble with the thought polis because of the way this thread has degenerated into childish banter

I think someone might get a custodial sentance

 

[Staines R's]

I think someone might get a custodial sentance

Dark humour your honour

 

[Steelmonkey]

I think someone might get a custodial sentance

Uber likes handcuffs....

 

[Uber_Hoop]

Uber likes handcuffs....

...and a good hard truncheon

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

...and a good hard truncheon

As a once wise Dick used to say, "Ooh, you are awful, ... but I like you."
(Turn around, arch back and flick heel in the air).
Alas, poor Dick, miss you.

 

[Hammersmith bookie]

They let me home last night and I feel shattered. The echo cardio showed that I'd had a heart attack some time in the past but no idea when, I was shocked to say the least as I would never have known. They have put me on Clopidogrel, 1 tablet a day. Got to take things easy for a whole, and they don't know if I'll regain feeling in my left arm, hand and foot. I have to see a cardiologist as an out patient and ill have to wear the heart monitor for 5 days and nights in the near future when they contact me. Have to say my eyes were opened by the state of the NHS at the moment. While most of the nurses and doctors were good and competent, there were some who were diabolical. It was if they couldn't be bothered to help out some patients and it just seemed like it was a chore to be doing their job. I can appreciate the pressure they are under , out of the 6 nurses that were meant to be on my ward, 4 were off sick. I was the only patient in my ward who had mobility and I ended up feeding some of the other patients their meals after I'd had mine , as there was no one coming to feed them an hour after the food had arrived. Some of the things I saw both depressed me and angered me. I lost it a couple of times with some of the senior workers there who just seemed to not care about the malaise that has obviously taken a grip in there. As a place to rest and recover, forget it, it was like a madhouse. Anyway I home now and trying to get some rest. Not much hope of that with the hoops intent on ending me prematurely ! We need to batter the baggies tomorrow after 2 games without scoring. Come on u supa hoopsa

 

[Staines R's]

They let me home last night and I feel shattered. The echo cardio showed that I'd had a heart attack some time in the past but no idea when, I was shocked to say the least as I would never have known. They have put me on Clopidogrel, 1 tablet a day. Got to take things easy for a whole, and they don't know if I'll regain feeling in my left arm, hand and foot. I have to see a cardiologist as an out patient and ill have to wear the heart monitor for 5 days and nights in the near future when they contact me. Have to say my eyes were opened by the state of the NHS at the moment. While most of the nurses and doctors were good and competent, there were some who were diabolical. It was if they couldn't be bothered to help out some patients and it just seemed like it was a chore to be doing their job. I can appreciate the pressure they are under , out of the 6 nurses that were meant to be on my ward, 4 were off sick. I was the only patient in my ward who had mobility and I ended up feeding some of the other patients their meals after I'd had mine , as there was no one coming to feed them an hour after the food had arrived. Some of the things I saw both depressed me and angered me. I lost it a couple of times with some of the senior workers there who just seemed to not care about the malaise that has obviously taken a grip in there. As a place to rest and recover, forget it, it was like a madhouse. Anyway I home now and trying to get some rest. Not much hope of that with the hoops intent on ending me prematurely ! We need to batter the baggies tomorrow after 2 games without scoring. Come on u supa hoopsa

Good to hear you’re home mate, but sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at times.
Not surprised they put you on an anti-platelet…..just now watch out with falls and banging your head. And don’t worry about the Heart attack…..it happens to many who haven’t got a clue when it happened
Look after yourself and take it easy

 

[kiwiqpr]

They let me home last night and I feel shattered. The echo cardio showed that I'd had a heart attack some time in the past but no idea when, I was shocked to say the least as I would never have known. They have put me on Clopidogrel, 1 tablet a day. Got to take things easy for a whole, and they don't know if I'll regain feeling in my left arm, hand and foot. I have to see a cardiologist as an out patient and ill have to wear the heart monitor for 5 days and nights in the near future when they contact me. Have to say my eyes were opened by the state of the NHS at the moment. While most of the nurses and doctors were good and competent, there were some who were diabolical. It was if they couldn't be bothered to help out some patients and it just seemed like it was a chore to be doing their job. I can appreciate the pressure they are under , out of the 6 nurses that were meant to be on my ward, 4 were off sick. I was the only patient in my ward who had mobility and I ended up feeding some of the other patients their meals after I'd had mine , as there was no one coming to feed them an hour after the food had arrived. Some of the things I saw both depressed me and angered me. I lost it a couple of times with some of the senior workers there who just seemed to not care about the malaise that has obviously taken a grip in there. As a place to rest and recover, forget it, it was like a madhouse. Anyway I home now and trying to get some rest. Not much hope of that with the hoops intent on ending me prematurely ! We need to batter the baggies tomorrow after 2 games without scoring. Come on u supa hoopsa

Got to be plenty of NHS staff who like the rest of us just treat it as a way to pay the bills

 

[Staines R's]

Got to be plenty of NHS staff who like the rest of us just treat it as a way to pay the bills

Nah, we are all cake eating heroes

 

[LandOfHoopsAndGlory]

They let me home last night and I feel shattered. The echo cardio showed that I'd had a heart attack some time in the past but no idea when, I was shocked to say the least as I would never have known. They have put me on Clopidogrel, 1 tablet a day. Got to take things easy for a whole, and they don't know if I'll regain feeling in my left arm, hand and foot. I have to see a cardiologist as an out patient and ill have to wear the heart monitor for 5 days and nights in the near future when they contact me. Have to say my eyes were opened by the state of the NHS at the moment. While most of the nurses and doctors were good and competent, there were some who were diabolical. It was if they couldn't be bothered to help out some patients and it just seemed like it was a chore to be doing their job. I can appreciate the pressure they are under , out of the 6 nurses that were meant to be on my ward, 4 were off sick. I was the only patient in my ward who had mobility and I ended up feeding some of the other patients their meals after I'd had mine , as there was no one coming to feed them an hour after the food had arrived. Some of the things I saw both depressed me and angered me. I lost it a couple of times with some of the senior workers there who just seemed to not care about the malaise that has obviously taken a grip in there. As a place to rest and recover, forget it, it was like a madhouse. Anyway I home now and trying to get some rest. Not much hope of that with the hoops intent on ending me prematurely ! We need to batter the baggies tomorrow after 2 games without scoring. Come on u supa hoopsa

Hammers, nice to hear from you albeit, as I take it, from an unpalatable and nigh on chaotic state in the hospital. And God bless for feeding the other patients.
I echo Staines sentiments, "don't worry about the heart attack", but do keep doing what the docs tell you. Whatever you do, try to stay calm. And if you feel unwell, get straight back to the hospital.
Hope the Hoops get, and maintain, a two goal lead to keep you at ease (and the rest of us).
Best "medicine" I reckon.