Off Topic The Rep Brothel

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kiwiqpr said:
Only in Britain - Complaints to Councils































Extracts from letters written by council tenants:


1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it
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Worthy of Friday rep:emoticon-0102-bigsm
 
gimmethickerhoops (again) said:
reppppppp
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kiwiqpr said:
Camila, Duchess of Cornwall wore a pair of new shoes for her wedding.
That night, when the celebration was over and they retired to their room,
She flopped on the bed and said,
"Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me."
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales tried the right shoe but the shoe would
Not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,
"There! Oh God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,
"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried,
"Oh God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,
"That's my boy! He served in the Navy.
Once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
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Guywanderer said:
Midweek rep
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PattyNchips2 said:
This girl I hooked up with has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. It's absolutely amazing. When I would put my ear up to it, I swear I could smell the ocean.
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Is Vic there? said:
Rep for Guy
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smhbcfc said:
repped
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repped
 
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young
mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mum, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. It
manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too
shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the
cat, "Whisky".
He then turned to the fourth Mum June: "Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy."
At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy
by the hand and whispered: "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Fanny and Willy and go home."
 
kiwiqpr said:
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young
mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mum, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. It
manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too
shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the
cat, "Whisky".
He then turned to the fourth Mum June: "Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy."
At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy
by the hand and whispered: "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Fanny and Willy and go home."
Click to expand...

rep
 
kiwiqpr said:
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young
mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mum, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. It
manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too
shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the
cat, "Whisky".
He then turned to the fourth Mum June: "Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy."
At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy
by the hand and whispered: "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Fanny and Willy and go home."
Click to expand...

.<laugh>
 
lamballana said:
repped
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canary-dave said:
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astroturfnaut said:
rep
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Minxy said:
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.... couldn't resist one big boy

..... now back in the slammer

:( <cry> <wah>

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Resurgam said:
Morning all
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Enricky. said:
Rep
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smhbcfc said:
repped
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PattyNchips2 said:
This girl I hooked up with has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. It's absolutely amazing. When I would put my ear up to it, I swear I could smell the ocean.
Click to expand...

Mad ads666 said:
Mad Sunday rep to wooperts and guy.
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Pulp said:
all repped <ok>
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repppppppppppp
 
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