Off Topic The Rep Brothel

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kiwiqpr said:
This morning I went to WINZ to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
"Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs
are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging
clue who their Dads are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with
housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
to qualify. My dogs get their first cheques next Friday.
Damn, this is a great country.
Click to expand...

Are they Hoarder Collies?
 
For all Who Work With Rude Customers, isn't it a shame WE can't actually do this!

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,"F$%& You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said,"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
 
In rep jail at the moment, I'll get back to those I owe as soon as possible.

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.
 

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Morning all

I'm doing a 14 mile sponsored walk in March to raise funds for a great cancer charity The Royal Marsden. They provide world class care for cancer patients and do pioneering work in research and education.

The walk takes place on the 16th March and is between the Royal Marsdens two hospitals in Chelsea and Sutton. In the past 3 years this event has raised over £3 million pounds to support cancer diagnosis, treatment, research and care.

This is a terrific cause so if you can help in any way please sponsor me at

http://www.justgiving.com/keith-lamb..._page_creation

Very grateful thanks in advance.
 
kiwiqpr said:
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

This “TRUE” interview went as follows:
The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”



The farmer stared at the reporter and said: “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

Farmer: “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”

Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”

Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Miss.” “Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't YOU get mad?”

THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED.
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.:redface:.
 
kiwiqpr said:
Japanese Sex..............
















A Japanese couple is having an discussion over ways of performing highly erotic sex:





Husband: Sukitaki.


Wife replies: Kowanini!


Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!


Wife nestles on her knees begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!



Husband smiles : Na miaou kina tim kouji!






I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this.





As if you understand Japanese!





Unbelievable!





I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex.





You need help !!
Click to expand...

.:emoticon-0108-speec.
 
kiwiqpr said:
This morning I went to WINZ to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
"Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs
are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging
clue who their Dads are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with
housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
to qualify. My dogs get their first cheques next Friday.
Damn, this is a great country.
Click to expand...

.<steam>.
 
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