The Pope was in England and got into his limousine and said to the chauffeur 'I am always being driven around and I'm getting fed up with it. I am a good driver so please could you let me drive ?' The chauffeur agreed and the Pope drove. A Police car pulled the limo over and the policeman saw that the Pope was the driver and said 'I need to go back to my car for a second' The policeman got on the radio 'Sarg, I have just pulled a limo over for speeding.' Sarg replied 'Issue a ticket, then' The policeman said 'but Sarg, I think that it is somebody really Important.' Sarg replied 'More Important than the Prime minister?' The policeman said 'I think so, Sarg.' Sarg replied 'More important than the Queen?' The policeman replied 'It's quite possible Sarg.' 'So who is it then?' asked Sarg. The policeman replied 'I don't know Sarg, but the Pope is his chauffeur.'
Just talking to my daughters boyfriend about Saving Private Ryan, which he has never seen because it was made 9 years before he was born. And now I am looking at Dignitas brochures.
I remember once I was forced to choose between a lifetime supply of Blackpool's finest confectionery, and a lifetime supply of frozen fish. I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice........
I am thinking of starting a Elvis Presley themed steak and meat restaurant . Just for those who love meat tender........ .
Out of surgery! Had my ear drum replaced with a piece of pig skin! My hearing is great now apart from a little crackling.
Three nuns all get written off in a car smash. The all knock on the Pearly Gates. St. Peter takes one look at them: "You can't judge a book by it's cover. I'll ask you one question each. If you answer correctly you can come in. If you answer incorrectly, you stoke coal for the rest of your days." Up steps the first nun. "Who was the first man on earth?" "Adam?" She ventures, uncertainly. "You have answered correctly - welcome to Paradise." Up steps the second nun. "Who was the first woman on earth?" "Was it Eve?" "Welcome to your eternal home. Please step forward." Finally, Mother Superior steps forward, all confident. "Mother Superior, think carefully. Here is your question: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Mother Superior goes as white as a ghost. After three hours, St. Peter looks at her sternly. "Well?" "That's a hard one." "Brilliant! Come on in!"
