Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
 
Two youth had never had sex before, and they were dying to experience it. They went to visit a brothel and
had sex with the same prostitute. Unfortunately for them they caught gonorrhoea, the two boys went to the doctor they share and
explained the symptom he was having, and the doctor gave him a paper to take to take to the laboratory.
The second boy went in to see the doctor, and the doctor asked him "what is the problem". The boy said "the same problem Sir".
 
Jigsawklopp said:
Two youth had never had sex before, and they were dying to experience it. They went to visit a brothel and
had sex with the same prostitute. Unfortunately for them they caught gonorrhoea, the two boys went to the doctor they share and
explained the symptom he was having, and the doctor gave him a paper to take to take to the laboratory.
The second boy went in to see the doctor, and the doctor asked him "what is the problem". The boy said "the same problem Sir".
Click to expand...
Anyone? Gonna have to explain this one Dribs, don't see the joke.
 
Jigsawklopp said:
Two youth had never had sex before, and they were dying to experience it. They went to visit a brothel and
had sex with the same prostitute. Unfortunately for them they caught gonorrhoea, the two boys went to the doctor they share and
explained the symptom he was having, and the doctor gave him a paper to take to take to the laboratory.
The second boy went in to see the doctor, and the doctor asked him "what is the problem". The boy said "the same problem Sir".
Click to expand...

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A Chinese man went to the doctor with a throbbing pain in his left foot. The doctor took one look at the man and said "I think you need to run cheese on your foot"

So the Chinese man went home that night and rubbed cheese all over his foot. Amazingly he woke up the next day feeling amazing but now he had an itchy testicle.

He went back to the doctor and the doctor told him he had to rub jam on his wang. So he rubbed jam all over his wang that night.

The next morning when he woke up he noticed his wife staring at him. She said:

Damn it Dribbles you keep forgetting to include the punchline!
 
Milk Sheikh said:
A Chinese man went to the doctor with a throbbing pain in his left foot. The doctor took one look at the man and said "I think you need to run cheese on your foot"

So the Chinese man went home that night and rubbed cheese all over his foot. Amazingly he woke up the next day feeling amazing but now he had an itchy testicle.

He went back to the doctor and the doctor told him he had to rub jam on his wang. So he rubbed jam all over his wang that night.

The next morning when he woke up he noticed his wife staring at him. She said:

Damn it Dribbles you keep forgetting to include the punchline!
Click to expand...

<laugh>
 
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."
 
one for RHC

A man has promised his French squeeze he'd cook up her favourite dish, escargot, to make up for his frequent and lengthy visits to his local hostelry. So he purchased some snails from his local foreign food market and decided to call in at his local for a flagon of frothing ale.

Unfortunately, as usual, one became many as he was once again seduced by the friendly atmosphere, banter and flowing ethyl alcohol. Eventually closing time rolls around and he begrudgingly leaves, with his bag of snails, to face his inevitably infuriated Gallic girlfriend.

No sooner has he opened the gate leading up to his house when he sees, through the window, his missus storming to the front door. He quickly throws the bag of snails to the floor, before his furious spouse opens the door, and, when she flings the door open with fury written large on her expressive froggy face, the man says in a jolly voice:

"Come on, lads, nearly home!"
 
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