Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
So I was pulled over by a police car today. The officer asked, "Do you know why I've pulled you over sir?"
"No officer," I replied.
"Well," he said, "This doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten or so miles and your driving is exemplary. Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users".
"Thanks," I said, "So you reckon it's worth me getting a licence then officer?"
 
  • Like
Reactions: Diego
So what they should really say on those daytime cooking shows:

"Hello and welcome to 'pointless cooking that has nothing to do with anyone's actual life'. Today, we are making a very complicated recipe, using ingredients you don't have, utensils you've never heard of, and in a kitchen that is bigger than your whole house!!"
 
  • Like
Reactions: organic red and Diego
This bloke in the pub said to me
"F*ck me, that was a rough old bitch you were with last night . . . . not a patch on the women that I normally see you with. What on Earth ever possessed you to take her out ?"
"I had to" I replied "it was our wedding anniversary."
 
  • Like
Reactions: Diego
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back