Three nuns all get written off in a car smash. The all knock on the Pearly Gates. St. Peter takes one look at them: "You can't judge a book by it's cover. I'll ask you one question each. If you answer correctly you can come in. If you answer incorrectly, you stoke coal for the rest of your days." Up steps the first nun. "Who was the first man on earth?" "Adam?" She ventures, uncertainly. "You have answered correctly - welcome to Paradise." Up steps the second nun. "Who was the first woman on earth?" "Was it Eve?" "Welcome to your eternal home. Please step forward." Finally, Mother Superior steps forward, all confident. "Mother Superior, think carefully. Here is your question: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Mother Superior goes as white as a ghost. After three hours, St. Peter looks at her sternly. "Well?" "That's a hard one." "Brilliant! Come on in!
Q. What's the difference between a newsagent and the average resident of a four star uk hotel. . . A. Newsagents have papers . . .
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.” “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?” The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
There was an Englishman and a Scotsman sitting in a pub having a drink. The Englishman was doing a crossword and says to the Scotsman do you know the answer to this one? "What do you call a person who is shipwrecked on a desert island? it starts with an M and ends with a D" "Marooned" said the Scotsman. "Thanks a lot said the Englishman - I'll have a double whiskey"
