The Not Talking Total Bollocks Thread

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Jesus Was A Geordie said:
Current Events:

I didn't go out tonight as I'm saving for flights over to Holland to see my neice/nephew (9 days to go) but my 2 flatmates did...The first is called Adam he's from Derry and has broad Derry accent (makes McClean sound like a member of the Royal Family), Adam stumbled in, white as a sheet and proceeded to vomit into our kitchen sink...He turned round, surprised to see me sitting there watching TV, he looked back at the sink, then back at me...

"Mate, I've just boaked"

"...Yeah, so I see...Take it you hit the shots a bit too hard then?"

"No mate, no...I never told you this, but my auntie and cousin had to hide from the Nazis during the war! They're not jews like, they just wanted to hide, and the thought of that made me sick!"

"....Right, I suppose it would...You wanna get some water then?"

And off Adam went to bed!

10 minutes later Craig tumbles in, Craig is from Yorkshire and plays rugby, bit of spice boy but with a dopey Whitby accent.

Craig took his top off, and fell forwards headbutting the mirror which thankfully didn't break, then teddiebear rolled from the bathroom into the kitchen...obviously I'm belly laughing and Craig takes exception to this, demonstrating his indignation by giving me the finger, except Craig is now so drunk he showed me his index finger instead!

I grab him a bottle of water and stand back as, instead of drinking, Craig pours it over his head...He tried to walk back to the bathroom but slipped in the puddle of water he just made, chinning himself on the kitchen tiles.

30 minutes of rolling around later (I genuinely got bored and went back to facebook) Craig got up and went to check on Adam....Satisfied that Adam was OK, Craig decided to relieve himself. The bathroom was eviently too far away so Craig decided Adam's bedroom window would more than suffice, I myself was a little more skeptical knowing that the gap between the window opening and the floor was at least 4" and Craig is only 5"9 and the window only opens out to a gap of about 4 inches...Now intrigued more than concerned I could only watch on (iphone video recorder in hand) as Craig proceeded to piss all over himself, then roll around the floor trying to remove his pissy trousers without taking off his shoes first!

Every single word of that is true! This has been one of the most surreal, disgusting 'quiet night in' I've ever had!
Click to expand...

<laugh> Quality.
 
You've probably already seen this but...
[video=youtube;oiGKWoJi5qM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiGKWoJi5qM[/video]
 
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