Story time

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...and I asked her the all-important news. "Yes," she said. "The pregnancy test kit just showed positive." My eyes shone with glee, a tear of happiness rolling down my cheek at the proud thought of me, George Elokobi, finally becoming a father. "But the baby's not yours"...
 
And my boss, who was hiding in the dark shadows, came one and slapped the very manhood he'd impregnated my wife with into my gapping mouth...
 
... At last I spoke to my wife, after spitting out my boss Mick McCarthy's meaty man-stick. "You... you shagged Mick McCarthy?! Get out of my house you bitch, I thought that once you went black you'd never go back. Nobody disrespects the name of George Elokobi!"

A smile crept onto her face. Mick addressed her as she slinked out of the door: "Darling, I think the real saying is 'once you go Tyke, there's nowt to dislike'"...
 
I would love to hear this read on Jackanory by the Chuckle brothers...
 
Farsley knew he had to be true to himself, though he knew deep down (deeper then that) if he harmed clowntime, he may be in exile forever. Farsley was in quite a dilema, called called one of the mods (Leeds-18) for some friendly advice. Minutes later Farsley was off the phone, and out the car, armed only with his car keys and a 12 inch rubber .....
 
ellandback said:
Farsley knew he had to be true to himself, though he knew deep down (deeper then that) if he harmed clowntime, he may be in exile forever. Farsley was in quite a dilema, called called one of the mods (Leeds-18) for some friendly advice. Minutes later Farsley was off the phone, and out the car, armed only with his car keys and a 12 inch rubber .....
Click to expand...

... scale model of Ken Bates, suddenly he was overcome by rage and began jabbing the car keys into rubber-Bates' eyes. Little did he know that at that very moment Tony Pulis was waiting amongst the trees by the edge of the road...
 
Pulis was waiting round the corner with all his mates (both of them) as he gazed sightlessly at the ken bates 12 inch-er, would this be his first trophy in his cabinet...
 
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