What's the difference between a Ritz biscuit and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.
Two Pompey fans pass a store advertising "Free Portsmouth Shirt - just ask". One dives in to the store and comes out with a packet of condoms. "I was too embarrassed to ask" he confesses.
I never wanted to belive that my dad stole from his job as a road worker but when i got home, all the signs was there.............
I've just seen the 2012 Official Portsmouth FC calendar. It's quite explicit, there's a twat on every page.
I asked 100 women what shampoo they used whilst showering? 99 out of 100 replied , "How the hell did you get in here?"....
I understand that Pompeys' groundsman has been planting potato plants around Fratton Park, as its the only way that they will have something to lift at the end of the season. In aid of "give an old joke a home week" thank you for laughing.
Mickey Mouse in court. Judge says "I'm sorry Mr Mouse, but I can not grant you divorce on the grounds that your wife has got buck teeth" Mickey Mouse replies, " I didn't say she had buck teeth, I said she's f**king Goofy" /fetches coat
Portsmouth Social Services have a robot that they install in the homes of difficult Pompey families and this robot has an interesting skill in that it can detect a lie the moment it has been told and gives the lier a slap on the head. In the first family they placed it in it was stood by one morning as the family were chatting while eating their asda own brand cornflakes out of old margarine tubs with spoons pinched from McDonalds. The father said "what did you last night?" to which the boy said "I went round to my mates and watched a film" The father said "What film was that?" to which the boy replied "a cowboy film". The robot slapped the boy on the head. The father said "OK tell us the truth" to which the boy said "OK it was pornographic video". The father said "that is disgusting I never watched things like that when I was your age" at which point the robot slapped him on the head. The mother chipped in with "you're as disgusting as your son". It was at that point that the robot slapped her around the head.
The Devil's Advocate The Devil's Advocate is offline Senior Member Points: 5,976, Level: 50 Level completed: 13%, Points required for next Level: 174 Overall activity: 18.0% Achievements: 3 months registered 5000 Experience Points The Devil's Advocate's Avatar Join Date Mar 2011 Location Southampton Posts 776 Points 5,976 Level 50 Default Portsmouth Social Services have a robot that they install in the homes of difficult Pompey families and this robot has an interesting skill in that it can detect a lie the moment it has been told and gives the lier a slap on the head. In the first family they placed it in it was stood by one morning as the family were chatting while eating their asda own brand cornflakes out of old margarine tubs with spoons pinched from McDonalds. The father said "what did you last night?" to which the boy said "I went round to my mates and watched a film" The father said "What film was that?" to which the boy replied "a cowboy film". The robot slapped the boy on the head. The father said "OK tell us the truth" to which the boy said "OK it was pornographic video". The father said "that is disgusting I never watched things like that when I was your age" at which point the robot slapped him on the head. The mother chipped in with "you're as disgusting as your son". It was at that point that the robot slapped her around the head. Mmm. Not as sophisticated as you would like to think you are eh?
Now Now Gramps, don't get to excited and think to much as you might just wet yourself. Grab your hot chocolate like a good old fella and toddle of to bed.
I walked into a fancy dress shop and asked for a vampire outfit. The assistant came back with a full Southampton F. C. kit. I said 'I think you misunderstood me, I want to look like a count................
