Party tricks

I can suck (snort) spaghetti up my nose. 2 pieces at a time if it's cooked first

 

I can make your belongings disappear.

 

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.

 

I can insult just about every **** at the party and somehow walk away unscathed.

 

I never knew you used a wheelchair

 

Only when I take it aff some **** I insulted at a party.

 

I can make the water that flushes your toilet yellow.

 

Reminds me of a time I went on a missionary expedition to Paisley & Westerhaille (sic). The local residents association in Paisley were offering home contents insurance along with a guarantee that in most cases, your belongings would be found and returned within 24 hours.

 

I've also been known to freak out some unsuspecting burd who doesn't know I have a missing finger with the judicous use of ketchup and a sharp knife when I offer to slice some lemon for their drink.

...or, again with the ketchup, letting them think they jammed my finger in a door.

Barrel of ****in laffs at a party me.

 

I don't get invited to many parties.

 

Have you ever poked your hand up her fanny and screamed "it bit me...the bastard bit me" as you pulled it out ?

 

Now I don't know if Gambol's missing a finger in real life, or if he's posting in the character of his cartoon avatar.

 

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I just thought the exact same thing

 

Hercontcha!

 

Anyone ever black up?

 

I can turn my eyelids inside out...I can chew tinfoil on my fillings...I can "burp" the alphabet...

 

Me and my mate dressed up as the Williams sisters at a fancy dress party once...