Off Topic Offensive jokes thread

What does Michael Jackson like to do on holiday?

Ski-he

 

What do you call a Lesbian on fire?

An LGBBQ

 

To another lesbian....hot?

 

Since the season finished I've done the 5:2* diet and have lost a stone in weight.
* Invented by Michael Mosely, you eat for 5 days and fast for 2, Mosely is now on the 0:7 diet.


The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

Statistically 9 out of 10 enjoy gang rape

 

Ah, upped the ante eh? What's grey and goes to school?


The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

Go on

 

The Aberfan tip.

 

As mentioned earlier,obviously and seriously depraved

 

My girlfriend wants to break up with me, she said “ I can’t see you any more, my mother said you’re a peadophile”
I told her “ Wow that’s a big word for a five year old”

 

I blame Rico, he started me off.


The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

You never see black people on cruises do you?
Yeah they aren’t falling for that one again.

 

Let the competition commence,could be an interesting night.

 

I'm never going on holiday to Saddleworth Moor again, too many kids under your feet.


The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

You do but they're usually cleaning.

 

Went to see the nurse today for an examination, she said “ you’ve got to stop ****ing”
Why? “ because I’m trying to examine you”

 

Good news for fans of Royalty, Diana's car is back on the road.

 

Not offensive, but made me laugh.

A mother takes her 9 year son to see the doctor because of what she thinks is his little dick.
The doctor, examines the boy, then sits the mother down..."What I think the problem is here. Could be down to a carbon deficiency in his diet...What I suggest is that you give your son several slices of burnt toast each and every morning for the next six months."
"Okay," she says..
The next morning she takes a whole loaf and shoves it into the toaster. One slice after the other and burns it black.
The kid sits at the table for his breakfast and eyes the plate full of burnt toast. "Mam is all that for me?" he asks..
"You have the top two, the rest is for your dad," she replies.

 

https://x.com/normAL219/status/1808921151688544316