O/T - Sunday Brunch

I just heard this on Sunday Brunch on C4 -

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and reminisce how good the old one was.....!!

 

What.......!!,!,!,! When did they get electricity ?

 

Mr and Mrs Stewart a retired couple from Carlisle went shopping in Liverpool this morning, when they returned to their car the radio was still there, the car wasn't jacked up on bricks and all four wheels were on the vehicle.


Police are treating the incident as suspicious.

 

A little boy is seen crying in a busy city centre street in Liverpool. A helpful policeman walks up to him and asks him what's wrong. "I've lost my mummy" the little boy sobs. "Don't worry" says the policeman, "we'll find her. What's your mummy like?" The little boy looks up at the policeman and says "Cock and bingo."

 

I'm unashamedly going to steal that.

 

...as I unashamedly stole it first

 

Now that's worth stealing!

 

Irishman, Scotsman and a Scouser all sitting in wheelchairs at the bar having a pint and the Scotsman says, a little louder than he mean't too " Look over there at that bloke sitting in the corner it's Jesus "

Sure enough it was Jesus who lifted his head up smiled and nodded at the three fellas.

The Scotsman calls the barman over and asks him to pour Jesus a pint of ' heavy ' and take it over to him. The barman duly does this, Jesus nods in appreciation and drinks the pint. The Irish fella does the same with a pint of Guiness and again Jesus acknowledges the gesture and sups the pint. The bloke from Liverpool also gets Jesus a pint and Jesus smiles and drinks it.

The three blokes are chatting away about how they've not only seen Jesus but bought him a pint when Jesus walks over, places his hands on the legs of the Scotsman and the Irishman and says " This is a small token of my gratitude to your kindness, now walk "

The Scotsman and the Irishman to their amazement get up on their feet and walk across the bar without so much as a limp. They both explain to Jesus that they've been crippled since birth and it's a miracle.

Jesus turns to place his hands on the Scouser who leaps out of his wheelchair, does a tripple backward somersault with pike over four tables and yells..... " Keep yer f*cking hands off me, I'm on disability allowance "