Deciding To Go Shopping On A Match Day
Behold, itâs match day in Sunderland; a sea of red and white zombies trundling around town, having sank their 17th pint by midday. Their counterparts, the black and white Orcs, clatter around the streets of Newcastle with bottles oâ broon and lairy expressions.
The moment your stomach falls through your bottom, as realisation dawns youâve just stepped into town⦠on derby day. Squashed amongst a crowd of chanting beer bellies on legs is torture like no other. Thereâs only one thing for it;
Run.
Run for your life.
...............................................
Southerners Assuming Youâre A Geordie When Youâre Actually From Durham/ Sunderland/Middlesbrough
One thing that unites everybody in the North East region (outside the Tyneside area) is the fact we all hate being called Geordies. Not because we hate Geordies. Just because weâre not bleedinâ Geordies! Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer have both been called Geordie comedians, when in fact Vic is from Darlington and Bob is Middlesbrough-born. There is a HUGE difference, morons.
Then thereâs the Americans and Australians, who we appear to be an alien race to. If they havenât asked you multiple times to repeat yourself already, theyâll have asked if youâre from Scotland.
....................................................................
Everyone Knowing Your Business
Down South, nobody knows your name. Move into a new place in the North, and the neighbours will be gossiping before you even step through your front door.
Those growing up in villages will know the strain of pond life all too well. So ânâ so just came off the pill, the family up the road are all on the fiddle, thingy round the corner did the dirty with the hairdresserâs boyfriend in Yatesâ last night. Truth be told, youâre probably having an affair with the Amazon delivery man and are housing a rookery of penguins in your bathroom. Give. It. A. Break.
..........................................................
Everyone Getting Naked At The Slightest Bit Of The Sun
Itâs Spring. Weâre currently celebrating with hail. Welcome to the North East. As soon as the merest slither of sunlight appears from behind a cloud, the citizens of the North go absolutely wild: more shorts on display than a Daisy Duke beauty pageant⦠and thatâs just the men.
Unfortunately, more often than not, itâs a sight that makes you want to scratch out your eyeballs with a army knife.
.....................................................
The worst one imo..
Having To Listen To Painful Geordie Impressions The Moment You Tell Someone Where Youâre From
âWeeeeey ayeeee man!â Is it possible to die from cringing?
Thereâs always one sickly individual, usually when youâre on holiday, who has something to say about your accent. Whatâs stomach-curdling is when they put on that painful fake-Geordie twang. Ye knaa what ah mean leik?
http://whatculture.com/offbeat/22-problems-people-north-east-will-understand.php
Horse puncher gets a mention, any more?
Behold, itâs match day in Sunderland; a sea of red and white zombies trundling around town, having sank their 17th pint by midday. Their counterparts, the black and white Orcs, clatter around the streets of Newcastle with bottles oâ broon and lairy expressions.
The moment your stomach falls through your bottom, as realisation dawns youâve just stepped into town⦠on derby day. Squashed amongst a crowd of chanting beer bellies on legs is torture like no other. Thereâs only one thing for it;
Run.
Run for your life.
...............................................
Southerners Assuming Youâre A Geordie When Youâre Actually From Durham/ Sunderland/Middlesbrough
One thing that unites everybody in the North East region (outside the Tyneside area) is the fact we all hate being called Geordies. Not because we hate Geordies. Just because weâre not bleedinâ Geordies! Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer have both been called Geordie comedians, when in fact Vic is from Darlington and Bob is Middlesbrough-born. There is a HUGE difference, morons.
Then thereâs the Americans and Australians, who we appear to be an alien race to. If they havenât asked you multiple times to repeat yourself already, theyâll have asked if youâre from Scotland.
....................................................................
Everyone Knowing Your Business
Down South, nobody knows your name. Move into a new place in the North, and the neighbours will be gossiping before you even step through your front door.
Those growing up in villages will know the strain of pond life all too well. So ânâ so just came off the pill, the family up the road are all on the fiddle, thingy round the corner did the dirty with the hairdresserâs boyfriend in Yatesâ last night. Truth be told, youâre probably having an affair with the Amazon delivery man and are housing a rookery of penguins in your bathroom. Give. It. A. Break.
..........................................................
Everyone Getting Naked At The Slightest Bit Of The Sun
Itâs Spring. Weâre currently celebrating with hail. Welcome to the North East. As soon as the merest slither of sunlight appears from behind a cloud, the citizens of the North go absolutely wild: more shorts on display than a Daisy Duke beauty pageant⦠and thatâs just the men.
Unfortunately, more often than not, itâs a sight that makes you want to scratch out your eyeballs with a army knife.
.....................................................
The worst one imo..
Having To Listen To Painful Geordie Impressions The Moment You Tell Someone Where Youâre From
âWeeeeey ayeeee man!â Is it possible to die from cringing?
Thereâs always one sickly individual, usually when youâre on holiday, who has something to say about your accent. Whatâs stomach-curdling is when they put on that painful fake-Geordie twang. Ye knaa what ah mean leik?
http://whatculture.com/offbeat/22-problems-people-north-east-will-understand.php
Horse puncher gets a mention, any more?
