March 14th

Gambol said:
Just after dinner and before a couple of after dinner drinks tell her to nip aff to the loo and take her knickers aff and show you them in her handbag when she gets back.

You'd be surprised how often that works.
Click to expand...

she left my bit on sunday there with her knickers in her handbag. My brother was washing my motor while she was doing the old walk of shame. The temptation to shout "Haw [insert brother's name], she's wearin nae knickers!" was strong but I held back.
 
GroveRanger said:
Translation.
I will have no luck with either red meat or oral sex because my wife is currently on a diet and is also halfway through her menstrual cycle so no steak or sexual intercourse.

Not being willing to perform normal sex should not mean that oral sex performed on me by my wife should be out of bounds but as she doesn't usually advance such an offer without it leading to full penatritive sex I am therefore reduced to eating salad and masturbating until normal service resumes.

Knackered - buggered, up **** creek, perplexed
Up on blocks - painters are in, pissing blood, time of the month
Session - at it like knives, horizontal tango, sexual intercourse
Horatio - as in Hornblower, nosh, gob job, sword swallow, oral sex
Shaking hands with Pamela - as in Anderson (Palm of the Hand-erson), gentleman's pleasure, a ****

I hope this has cleared up any confusion.
Click to expand...

Grove Ranger is sponsored by Viz and Roger's Profanisaurus.
 
Ended up with whisky and football<ok>

Mrs 6 up the duff and not so forthcoming on the nosh front at the moment:(
 
SW6 said:
Ended up with whisky and football<ok>

Mrs 6 up the duff and not so forthcoming on the nosh front at the moment:(
Click to expand...

At least you can look forward to "bringing it along" when the time is due with curry and a session. Supposed to help induce labour so I reckon if she has a chicken jalfrezi followed by a rear guard action, I would suggest "The Rifleman", then SW6 junior should be along shortly.
 
GroveRanger said:
At least you can look forward to "bringing it along" when the time is due with curry and a session. Supposed to help induce labour so I reckon if she has a chicken jalfrezi followed by a rear guard action, I would suggest "The Rifleman", then SW6 junior should be along shortly.
Click to expand...

Like your style I do.
 
The best S&BJ Day related thing I've ever seen was a comment on Facebook by a lass I know, tearing into her boyfriend for going away on a Rugby trip the day before their first one together. I think she was genuinely peeved at not being able to show off her skills in cooking and sucking <laugh>
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back