Off Topic Lets talk about......Death

[Star of David Bardsley]

Out of interest, why? I certainly wouldn’t, I would think about it too much.

I guess if it was soon I could sack off work and enjoy my limited time. If it was far away it would be quite nice to feel indestructible. Might just throw myself in front of a lorry knowing I’d bounce off.

 

[Staines R's]

I have spent far too much time in my own brain trying to decide what sort of death is best, ...as though we get a choice in the matter!...
A sort of thought experiment


So do we want to have a slower death, when you know what is coming ...so all sides can have a chance to say goodbye, say the things they want to say, tidy things up, be with your loved ones at the end. But this sort of death is often messy, prolonged and painful both physically and mentally

Or

Would we want a quick death (say a sudden heart attack). With little pain but on your own. With things left unsaid and unfinished. One minute you are here one minute you are not.


I know we have no choice thank goodness for that.
I have no answer for the question myself...but I do try never go to bed on an argument

That’s a really interesting question Beth. For years I have been firmly in the ‘quick, get it over with sudden’ death...hoping to get it out of the way without too much pain and too much fuss. But now I’m really not so sure.....death and it’s process, even if over weeks or months, doesn’t have to be filled with pain and suffering.
Medication can stop the bad stuff and help us onto death without a lot of the suffering, anxiety, pain and nausea.
A perfect death, for me now, is to gradually sleep more, have less energy, slowly those ‘sleeps’ become more like ‘unconsciousness’...my breathing becomes slower and I have more instances of not breathing at all....eventually having my last breath.....All the whole having my family close to me.

I really do recommend the book I mentioned previously.......fantastic reading.

 

[Staines R's]

Would you want to know your death date if you could? On balance I think I would.

Don’t think I would.......in a strange way the certainty of my death day would make everything seem rather pointless.

 

[Star of David Bardsley]

Don’t think I would.......in a strange way the certainty of my death day would make everything seem rather pointless.

Everything is rather pointless which reassures me when I have a dull day at work or something.

 

[Staines R's]

A lot of very poignant posts......

This virus has brought things home to Mrs TR and me.......apart from aged mother who's in a care home I have no immediate family, Mrs TR has an older brother but only contacts us when he wants something......so if anything happens to both us nobody will know what to do with our affairs......we've spent a good part of this last 6 weeks sorting out financials putting everything in files and shredding all old paperwork.....it's quite a sobering thought that we're on our own.....

So assuming we come out the other end of this thing I'm going to stop working and we're going to do things like travel before it's too late.....

Stay safe all....

Tram, your post got me thinking and I’ve vowed over the next few months to put in writing what I want to happen when I die....the songs, the arrangements, where the money is, notes to my Mrs and kids etc.......all to make it easier for them when I go......dunno why but I’m feeling it’s something I’d like to do.

 

[Stroller]

Tram, your post got me thinking and I’ve vowed over the next few months to put in writing what I want to happen when I die....the songs, the arrangements, where the money is, notes to my Mrs and kids etc.......all to make it easier for them when I go......dunno why but I’m feeling it’s something I’d like to do.

I've been thinking about doing that, too. Seems like a good idea.

 

[daverangers]

I’m glad somebody with faith has given their perspective. To be fair Dave, I don’t think anyone on this thread has dismissed faith, just given their own (largely faithless admittedly) personal viewpoints about death. And this certainly isn’t the place to enter one of those pointless debates about belief.

Agree, no one on here has dismissed faith, just based on general response I often get when talking about faith. Quite interesting and enjoyable to have an open discussion about it.

 

[daverangers]

Tram, your post got me thinking and I’ve vowed over the next few months to put in writing what I want to happen when I die....the songs, the arrangements, where the money is, notes to my Mrs and kids etc.......all to make it easier for them when I go......dunno why but I’m feeling it’s something I’d like to do.

Probably a bit much, but I know someone who fancies himself as a good joke teller, and he's threatened to record a video for his own funeral, and start with the line..."you thought you'd heard the last one, and I knew you'd miss em, so here are a few of my favourite jokes for you all..."

 

[Staines R's]

I've been thinking about doing that, too. Seems like a good idea.

I can still recall, almost 20 years later, the dread felt by me and my mum the morning after my dad had died. He was a clever guy, a professional gambler and investor....he had over 25 online gambling accounts with thousands in, loads of savings accounts and money here there and everywhere.....we really struggled to find it all (and probably didn’t.
It was funny ‘cos a few months after he died my mum felt ready to get some of his clothes out of the wardrobe and I was bagging them up to go in the loft (she couldn’t throw them away for years) when I came across a couple of folders with account statements in.......turned out he’d had a couple of investment accounts in her and his name worth about £50k each that no one had a clue they existed.

I’d like my family to know what they’ve got and not have to sort it themselves.

 

[Staines R's]

Probably a bit much, but I know someone who fancies himself as a good joke teller, and he's threatened to record a video for his own funeral, and start with the line..."you thought you'd heard the last one, and I knew you'd miss em, so here are a few of my favourite jokes for you all..."

Brilliant

 

[Star of David Bardsley]

I can still recall, almost 20 years later, the dread felt by me and my mum the morning after my dad had died. He was a clever guy, a professional gambler and investor....he had over 25 online gambling accounts with thousands in, loads of savings accounts and money here there and everywhere.....we really struggled to find it all (and probably didn’t.
It was funny ‘cos a few months after he died my mum felt ready to get some of his clothes out of the wardrobe and I was bagging them up to go in the loft (she couldn’t throw them away for years) when I came across a couple of folders with account statements in.......turned out he’d had a couple of investment accounts in her and his name worth about £50k each that no one had a clue they existed.

I’d like my family to know what they’ve got and not have to sort it themselves.

If I’m lucky I might find a quid down the back of my dad’s sofa.

 

[Staines R's]

Agree, no one on here has dismissed faith, just based on general response I often get when talking about faith. Quite interesting and enjoyable to have an open discussion about it.

I really wish I could have some kind of ‘faith’ mate.....and totally respect those who do. It must be quite warming to believe there is some continuation after we die...’cos part of the sad bit for me (as a non believer) is the total ‘end’ of everything (if that makes sense)

 

[Stroller]

I can still recall, almost 20 years later, the dread felt by me and my mum the morning after my dad had died. He was a clever guy, a professional gambler and investor....he had over 25 online gambling accounts with thousands in, loads of savings accounts and money here there and everywhere.....we really struggled to find it all (and probably didn’t.
It was funny ‘cos a few months after he died my mum felt ready to get some of his clothes out of the wardrobe and I was bagging them up to go in the loft (she couldn’t throw them away for years) when I came across a couple of folders with account statements in.......turned out he’d had a couple of investment accounts in her and his name worth about £50k each that no one had a clue they existed.

I’d like my family to know what they’ve got and not have to sort it themselves.

My lot won't find any hidden stash I'm afraid, but there are things like life insurance policies might need to be claimed on. I already had life insurance, but I recently took out additional cover which, as a gambler myself, I consider quite good value. The latest policy gives my family £50k if I croak in the next twenty years and costs me £53 a month. Considering that I would be nearly 86 if I see it out, odds of around 4/1 seem pretty good to me.

 

[Ninj]

I lost a friend who took his own life 18 years ago, it still wrangles with me that maybe I should have seen something but he did what he did as he could see no way out. Over the last 10 years bot my parents have been in and out of hospital, and both in their early 80's are still here. My dad has an aneurism and had op to put a stent in to help (not too sure of the correct medical wording) however I do remember this very clearly, sitting on the hospital bed, my mother of the chair and the doctor / surgeon in the room with the consent sheet. Before my father signed it he asked about success rates and the medical professional stated that he had only lost one person. That was a wtf moment in my life I wont forget. Neither will I forget the period Dec 2018 to June 2019, where in Dec, one of my mentors went into hospital but didn't leave - passing in Jan, in Feb my uncle passed (he had Parkinson's), in March when I drove my parents to the funeral in Kent, my dad tripped up a kerb and fell flat on his face. It was a scary moment as I thought we had lost him. I helped him to his feet, and got him to stand and lean against a wall (not straight away - we got him sitting initially,) and I ran to the medics having their lunch in their ambulance to grab their first aid kit. When I returned my dad said he couldnt see so I then went to the medics and they drove their vehicle near to my dad as this was now out of my knowledge. The medics took various details and I then helped one to get my dad onto the ambulance and he passed out on a short walk on 20 feet. He was out for about 5 to 10 minutes and I lowered him to the ground and used my jumper as a pillow. When he came round the two ambulance crew took over, putting him on a stretcher and asking lots of questions. I had directed my mother back to the car as she panics which I could not have dealt with. However I eventually got my mother to my dad and instead of going to pay respects to my uncle we went to Dartford A&E (Derwent comes to mind) and we were there for 4 to 5 hours. What left a bad taste in my mouth was my new line manager leaving messages on phone and emails demanding to know where I was when she had given me the day off. The last email she sent (copied to other senior mangers) was responded to in an appropriate manner stated that she had agreed to the time off and the reason for it and I did get an apology..eventually..but I no longer work for that company. Seeing my dad fall did have an impact on my mental health as I had trouble sleeping for a few weeks and eventually I did speak to my GP who said it was stress related. I am extremely fortunate that they are both alive and at present as I live with them I am doing what I can for them.
I did buy the medics their lunch that day - they said we are just doing our job, however for me they were doing a lot more than that.
As so far as faith goes, I cannot state that I am religious. I did say a few prayers or my dad. Also, when my partner lost her nan who brought her up, I do remember saying a prayer then as well.
When I worked in the autistic school and care homes, even their adult homes (and some of the adult homes in last place), having good health is something I appreciate. Some of the kids and adults are never going to have a "normal" (whatever that mean) life and the choices and freedoms I have are not taken for granted.

 

[Staines R's]

Just starting watching ‘Britain’s Greatest Generation’ on BBC2.....fantastic insight into the older generation before they disappear.

NB Wow !!!! What a powerful and emotional programme....a few tears were shed at the end

 

[Staines R's]

I lost a friend who took his own life 18 years ago, it still wrangles with me that maybe I should have seen something but he did what he did as he could see no way out. Over the last 10 years bot my parents have been in and out of hospital, and both in their early 80's are still here. My dad has an aneurism and had op to put a stent in to help (not too sure of the correct medical wording) however I do remember this very clearly, sitting on the hospital bed, my mother of the chair and the doctor / surgeon in the room with the consent sheet. Before my father signed it he asked about success rates and the medical professional stated that he had only lost one person. That was a wtf moment in my life I wont forget. Neither will I forget the period Dec 2018 to June 2019, where in Dec, one of my mentors went into hospital but didn't leave - passing in Jan, in Feb my uncle passed (he had Parkinson's), in March when I drove my parents to the funeral in Kent, my dad tripped up a kerb and fell flat on his face. It was a scary moment as I thought we had lost him. I helped him to his feet, and got him to stand and lean against a wall (not straight away - we got him sitting initially,) and I ran to the medics having their lunch in their ambulance to grab their first aid kit. When I returned my dad said he couldnt see so I then went to the medics and they drove their vehicle near to my dad as this was now out of my knowledge. The medics took various details and I then helped one to get my dad onto the ambulance and he passed out on a short walk on 20 feet. He was out for about 5 to 10 minutes and I lowered him to the ground and used my jumper as a pillow. When he came round the two ambulance crew took over, putting him on a stretcher and asking lots of questions. I had directed my mother back to the car as she panics which I could not have dealt with. However I eventually got my mother to my dad and instead of going to pay respects to my uncle we went to Dartford A&E (Derwent comes to mind) and we were there for 4 to 5 hours. What left a bad taste in my mouth was my new line manager leaving messages on phone and emails demanding to know where I was when she had given me the day off. The last email she sent (copied to other senior mangers) was responded to in an appropriate manner stated that she had agreed to the time off and the reason for it and I did get an apology..eventually..but I no longer work for that company. Seeing my dad fall did have an impact on my mental health as I had trouble sleeping for a few weeks and eventually I did speak to my GP who said it was stress related. I am extremely fortunate that they are both alive and at present as I live with them I am doing what I can for them.
I did buy the medics their lunch that day - they said we are just doing our job, however for me they were doing a lot more than that.
As so far as faith goes, I cannot state that I am religious. I did say a few prayers or my dad. Also, when my partner lost her nan who brought her up, I do remember saying a prayer then as well.
When I worked in the autistic school and care homes, even their adult homes (and some of the adult homes in last place), having good health is something I appreciate. Some of the kids and adults are never going to have a "normal" (whatever that mean) life and the choices and freedoms I have are not taken for granted.

Thanks for sharing such a personal story mate....a nice read.

 

[peter1954qpr]

I must admit I struggled with faith after losing my brother in law to suicide my sister that had beaten cancer only to die of a heart attack 4 weeks later and my father all within 13 months, my brother in law struggled with PTSD after spending years as a Para,never really got over leaving the army ( he left to save his marriage that went to cock anyway) my sister beat breast cancer only to have a massive heart attack, my Dad was 90 he never got over losing my sister and as my mum was 86 I thought she was next, as I was diagnosed with prostate cancer the fridsy before my dad passed you can imagine my mortality took a bit of a hit, now I've accepted my time will come and I'm ready for it,my affairs are all in order my wife will be financially secure and our children will support her, as for me I'm ready when it is

 

[Steelmonkey]

Stay strong Peter

 

[Staines R's]

I must admit I struggled with faith after losing my brother in law to suicide my sister that had beaten cancer only to die of a heart attack 4 weeks later and my father all within 13 months, my brother in law struggled with PTSD after spending years as a Para,never really got over leaving the army ( he left to save his marriage that went to cock anyway) my sister beat breast cancer only to have a massive heart attack, my Dad was 90 he never got over losing my sister and as my mum was 86 I thought she was next, as I was diagnosed with prostate cancer the fridsy before my dad passed you can imagine my mortality took a bit of a hit, now I've accepted my time will come and I'm ready for it,my affairs are all in order my wife will be financially secure and our children will support her, as for me I'm ready when it is

Thanks for your story Peter.....I feel sometimes like the chair at some AA meeting when I keep saying that, but I honestly mean it.
Each story and view I’ve read has really touched me.

 

[kiwiqpr]

Would you want to know your death date if you could? On balance I think I would.

no
but I wouldn't mind knowing the wifes