Off Topic Lets talk about......Death

[Steelmonkey]

this was my first thought too.

Me too - and I searched it on YouTube too and was going to post it...

 

[kiwiqpr]

Out of curiosity....Why ?

Does it scare you ? Depress you ? Something you just don’t want to think about ?

Just something I haven't thought about
My dad died of a brain tumour 32 years ago and since then only one close friend of mine has died so I haven't seen too much of it
The wife's dad died of a heart attack at 92 and her mother basically starved herself to death in a resthome three years ago
Hopefully when I go it won't be in pain with no idea who anyone is
A shell of my former self like my dad
Getting quite keen on euthanasia

 

[Uber_Hoop]

Perhaps, to help with the morale, we should remember that all the joy, laughs, thrills and hopes are on this side too.

Perhaps. I’m more half empty than many.

 

[stick]

I am not religious but this is the one the subject that makes me wish I was. I wish I was going from here to be reunited with my grandparents etc.
My Dad passed away from pneumonia caused by covid-19 on the 1st April so it is a subject that once again has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been unlucky when it comes to death. I discovered my Nan dead in my early twenties, my father-in-law died in my arms at my home from an aneurism and I even discovered a dead body in the Thames when out walking my dog one day.
For me it is almost an all consuming fear and for that reason I really try not to think about it. It is in my nature to want to "know" everything first and share everything quickly so even the simple thought of all the things I will miss or not get to know horrifies me. I think someone like me could drive themselves insane or even become suicidal if dwelling too long on the subject.
The defence mechanism is of course to deflect. I even joked that it was typical of my Dad to die on April Fools Day. My Mum survived covid-19 so I even joke that we will call it a draw! You have to cope somehow.
Inspirational reading some of your views on here and I can only hope that as time passes my fear rationalises. Does there come a time when living is not better than the alternative?

 

[Uber_Hoop]

I am not religious but this is the one the subject that makes me wish I was. I wish I was going from here to be reunited with my grandparents etc.
My Dad passed away from pneumonia caused by covid-19 on the 1st April so it is a subject that once again has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been unlucky when it comes to death. I discovered my Nan dead in my early twenties, my father-in-law died in my arms at my home from an aneurism and I even discovered a dead body in the Thames when out walking my dog one day.
For me it is almost an all consuming fear and for that reason I really try not to think about it. It is in my nature to want to "know" everything first and share everything quickly so even the simple thought of all the things I will miss or not get to know horrifies me. I think someone like me could drive themselves insane or even become suicidal if dwelling too long on the subject.
The defence mechanism is of course to deflect. I even joked that it was typical of my Dad to die on April Fools Day. My Mum survived covid-19 so I even joke that we will call it a draw! You have to cope somehow.
Inspirational reading some of your views on here and I can only hope that as time passes my fear rationalises. Does there come a time when living is not better than the alternative?

Please accept my condolences for your losses, Stick, particularly the most recent one during these unprecedented times.

 

[stick]

Please accept my condolences for your losses, Stick, particularly the most recent one during these unprecedented times.

Thank you sir, very kind

 

[Sooperhoop]

I am not religious but this is the one the subject that makes me wish I was. I wish I was going from here to be reunited with my grandparents etc.
My Dad passed away from pneumonia caused by covid-19 on the 1st April so it is a subject that once again has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been unlucky when it comes to death. I discovered my Nan dead in my early twenties, my father-in-law died in my arms at my home from an aneurism and I even discovered a dead body in the Thames when out walking my dog one day.
For me it is almost an all consuming fear and for that reason I really try not to think about it. It is in my nature to want to "know" everything first and share everything quickly so even the simple thought of all the things I will miss or not get to know horrifies me. I think someone like me could drive themselves insane or even become suicidal if dwelling too long on the subject.
The defence mechanism is of course to deflect. I even joked that it was typical of my Dad to die on April Fools Day. My Mum survived covid-19 so I even joke that we will call it a draw! You have to cope somehow.
Inspirational reading some of your views on here and I can only hope that as time passes my fear rationalises. Does there come a time when living is not better than the alternative?

Really sorry to hear of your losses. I think you show some fortitude in even using 'gallows humour' as a sort of coping mechanism, sometimes the absurd can actually get you by. I know from my father's final 18 months he felt he was a burden, missed my mother and found difficulty in having to rely on others. It was no burden to me to be able to give back to him unconditional love when he was at his most vulnerable. Your last question really is a two-edged sword as the pain of letting go has to be balanced against the suffering endured, a decision I would be tortured by if forced to choose...

 

[Steelmonkey]

Sorry for your loss Stick

 

[Staines R's]

Nice to see the title of the thread wasn’t lost on some of you

Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.......really finding the whole thoughts and feelings of you all fascinating and somewhat emotional.

 

[stick]

Nice to see the title of the thread wasn’t lost on some of you

Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.......really finding the whole thoughts and feelings of you all fascinating and somewhat emotional.

Fascinating indeed. I know for my part that its easier to express some of my feelings on here to total strangers that I dont actually share with all of my friends and relatives. No judgement on here I guess and a lot of empathy.
Thank you.

 

[Staines R's]

I am not religious but this is the one the subject that makes me wish I was. I wish I was going from here to be reunited with my grandparents etc.
My Dad passed away from pneumonia caused by covid-19 on the 1st April so it is a subject that once again has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been unlucky when it comes to death. I discovered my Nan dead in my early twenties, my father-in-law died in my arms at my home from an aneurism and I even discovered a dead body in the Thames when out walking my dog one day.
For me it is almost an all consuming fear and for that reason I really try not to think about it. It is in my nature to want to "know" everything first and share everything quickly so even the simple thought of all the things I will miss or not get to know horrifies me. I think someone like me could drive themselves insane or even become suicidal if dwelling too long on the subject.
The defence mechanism is of course to deflect. I even joked that it was typical of my Dad to die on April Fools Day. My Mum survived covid-19 so I even joke that we will call it a draw! You have to cope somehow.
Inspirational reading some of your views on here and I can only hope that as time passes my fear rationalises. Does there come a time when living is not better than the alternative?

A very emotional story mate.....thank you for sharing. Your feelings on religion are not uncommon and many when they get to an old age turn to religion ‘just in case’ there reall y is something when we die.
I’ve been thinking recently myself, why am I doing what I do ? The job..the food bank deliveries..trying hard to be a better person.....my friend said (and he could of been right) it’s my subconscious way to try and get a bit of credit back for the bad things I’ve done in my life....dunno if that’s true but got me thinking.
Death and the process of dying doesn’t have to be horrible.....there are anticipatory medicines that can be prescribed to make that passing easier (anti sickness, pain killers, anti anxiety etc)....and we all want that passing to be as gentle as possible, with our families around us holding our hands.......sadly this virus has taken away that chance for so many.

Sorry if I’m rambling......this thread has got me very emotional.

Thank you all

 

[finglasqpr]

Definitely a bit morbid to be talking about this subject but here goes.

I had a near death experience about 25 years ago where I had to be shocked to get my heart started again. It made me realise, I am not afraid to die. The hardest part about it is the people you leave behind. It is hard on them, they are the ones who suffer. My Brother in law lost his Father about 3 years ago aged 78 to suicide. He is an only child and he was the one who found his Dad hanging. The poor lad has been to hell and back with guilt etc. The only thing that the suicide achieved was passing the Father's troubles on to his Son.

Personally, I just see death as being part of life, you are born, you live for roughly 70-80 years if you are lucky along the way and like all living beings, at some point, you die. In between, you just have to enjoy your life and try to be kind to others.

 

[Staines R's]

Definitely a bit morbid to be talking about this subject but here goes.

I had a near death experience about 25 years ago where I had to be shocked to get my heart started again. It made me realise, I am not afraid to die. The hardest part about it is the people you leave behind. It is hard on them, they are the ones who suffer. My Brother in law lost his Father about 3 years ago aged 78 to suicide. He is an only child and he was the one who found his Dad hanging. The poor lad has been to hell and back with guilt etc. The only thing that the suicide achieved was passing the Father's troubles on to his Son.

Personally, I just see death as being part of life, you are born, you live for roughly 70-80 years if you are lucky along the way and like all living beings, at some point you die. In between, you just have to enjoy your life and try to be kind to others.

Genuine question mate......why do you see it as being ‘morbid’ ? As you say it is just part of the cycle of life and it’s gonna happen no matter what......so why not try and embrace it, talk about it and in a way accept it ?
Thanks for sharing your story mate, really appreciated.

 

[finglasqpr]

Genuine question mate......why do you see it as being ‘morbid’ ? As you say it is just part of the cycle of life and it’s gonna happen no matter what......so why not try and embrace it, talk about it and in a way accept it ?
Thanks for sharing your story mate, really appreciated.

Why do I see it as being morbid? It's not exactly a happy subject to be discussing. Yes, it's part of life but so is *****philia or religion (for example). All of those subjects are part of life but the thought of any of them does not fill me with joy. You're not going to go down your local and say to a group of friends, lets discuss death or religion or *****philia (for example). Your company would disappear pretty quickly lol.

 

[Staines R's]

Why do I see it as being morbid? It's not exactly a happy subject to be discussing. Yes, it's part of life but so is *****philia or religion (for example). All of those subjects are part of life but the thought of any of them does not fill me with joy. You're not going to go down your local and say to a group of friends, lets discuss death or religion or *****philia (for example). Your company would disappear pretty quickly lol.

Hahaha.....I get your point (My mates have said the same more than once)
But maybe that’s where I’m trying to get to (myself more than others).....trying to get the sadness and grief away from the subject.
It all sounds very ‘new age hippie’ but honestly it ain’t meant to......just trying to learn to appreciate the time I’ve got left and hopefully be a better person for it.

 

[finglasqpr]

Hahaha.....I get your point (My mates have said the same more than once)
But maybe that’s where I’m trying to get to (myself more than others).....trying to get the sadness and grief away from the subject.
It all sounds very ‘new age hippie’ but honestly it ain’t meant to......just trying to learn to appreciate the time I’ve got left and hopefully be a better person for it.

Considering the work you are doing during this pandemic, I don't think you need to worry about being a "better person". You should sit down at the end of each shift and enjoy the job satisfaction you must get from knowing you helped others.

One thing my profession teaches me, is that I admire all the emergency services who are out working 24 hours both day and night to make our towns and cities better places for all of us. Keep up the good work Stainesey and see you again soon I hope.

 

[Willhoops]

You're a bag of joy this morning!

It's not something I think about - I've had a good life, and don't think there's too much I'd change about my past. If I was to pop my clogs tomorrow I'm sure I'd be a bit gutted but I'd be content in a way.

I certainly don't want to get old and require the services of a care home or hospice - I've told my son I'd rather be dead than have to go through that.

I'll definately be having a humanist funeral whenever I do pass. This is one of the songs I want played...

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great band

 

[Staines R's]

I note last week when you replied to one of my posts about considering my own and other family member's mortality that you are now in that phase. It's funny how life plays out these things, for me this is how each decade's mindset has played out:

Teens - Mindless indestructability, everything to look forward to and everything to excess, I think of things I did and got away with that would nowawdays drain the blood from my face but then you just didn't know the difference.

20s - My peak years with a young family and nothing I couldn't do if I wanted. At 24 I remember looking at my dear Dad who was my age now and thinking I don't want to be like that when I'm a pensioner, he seemed so old, everyone of that age seemed so old.

30s - A decade when I began thinking of things I had done wrong and not fulfilling my ambitions. I was in a secure job but beginning to lose the desire of risking change to better myself and being determined I would have things sorted by time I was 40.

40s - This was the start of beginning to look at the 'end' rather than just living for the moment. At 40 I thought if I live to be 80 this is halfway and it has gone so quickly. And I was still in the same job with a sense of I can't risk changing now.

50s - My life changing decade. I now know I am past the halfway point and it may be downhill all the way from here. My marriage was f*cked and followed by my Mum passing away in such an awful last few weeks. Three years later my Dad passed away again in trying circumstances. Their passing had a profound effect on me in that I never thought I would see such suffering at close quarters. I remarried and actually bought my first house, probably the best decisions of my life.

60s - This is the decade where you really do see the reality of things, I can remember all the things I could do in my teens and 20s so easily and my mind wants to do the same but it just doesn't happen. At regular intervals I see myself turning into my Dad, there was one instance a couple of years ago when I had the winter vomitting bug and was absolutely wiped out for six days. One morning I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, what I saw was my Dad, my face was so hollow and drawn by the illness and it terrified me. I was 66 last week and now I think if I get to 100 I'm two thirds of the way, it's creeping up and the days seem to fly by.

The mind is a funny thing, it can make you feel so optimistic when things go well but when things don't, as at present, it can haunt you. There's nothing we can do to change what has happened but I really do now think what is happening will make me cherish what I have, my family and life in general. I'm reasonably healthy and determined to do as much as I can when this sh*itstorm is over. In a way sharing our thoughts on this can be quite theraputic...

After reading this post for the 7th or 8th time...the brilliance of it is still hitting home.
I can relate to so much of it......thank you.

 

[sb_73]

After reading this post for the 7th or 8th time...the brilliance of it is still hitting home.
I can relate to so much of it......thank you.

I suspect I’m very shallow on this stuff. It’s never occurred to me to do an inventory like Sooper’s. All that stuff is gone, finished, over, it was fun but I don’t live there any more. The important bits are a part of me without me doing any analysis of it. The future is equally an unknown country, there are no guarantees that I will see much of it, so I do a bit of prudent planning but no grand designs, and definitely don’t put much off for some future time when things will be ‘different’. Reflect too much and I think I would forget to live.

Let’s be honest about this stuff - we can all think, like I do, that we don’t fear death, but actually it is impossible to imagine our own non existence so we don’t really know what we are talking about. All I can say is that, today, I am comfortable with the idea that I won’t exist sometime relatively soon.

Have a good shift mate.

 

[Staines R's]

I suspect I’m very shallow on this stuff. It’s never occurred to me to do an inventory like Sooper’s. All that stuff is gone, finished, over, it was fun but I don’t live there any more. The important bits are a part of me without me doing any analysis of it. The future is equally an unknown country, there are no guarantees that I will see much of it, so I do a bit of prudent planning but no grand designs, and definitely don’t put much off for some future time when things will be ‘different’. Reflect too much and I think I would forget to live.

Let’s be honest about this stuff - we can all think, like I do, that we don’t fear death, but actually it is impossible to imagine our own non existence so we don’t really know what we are talking about. All I can say is that, today, I am comfortable with the idea that I won’t exist sometime relatively soon.

Have a good shift mate.

I think you’re right and you can fall into two different categories......the ones who really don’t care and take things as they come.....and the ones who are more thoughtful and look back at their lives, contemplating what they’ve done.
No one side is right and no one side is wrong...it’s just different ways to look at the same thing. I just think with my situation I’m now firmly in the second camp and (maybe wrongly) am in fully contemplation mode....I’m hoping it makes me a better father/husband/person.