As a funeral director, I take every chance I get to tie the shoe laces together of the deceased. Because if there was ever a zombie apocalypse, it would be flipping hilarious
ROD met this girl last night... they were both so horny.... they stumbled into the alley behind the club... their tongues in each others mouths..... ROD's hand pulled up her skirt and he slid his hand inside her knickers and fingered her..... 'you're so ****ing wet' ROD breathed in her ear. 'Not really' she said, 'that's Shiny's cum'
Its December and I bought a Jehovah's Witnesses advent calender. Every door I opened someone told me to **** off
I've started a Facebook page for obese people. I've got a huge following. Miss World has been won by the contestant from the Philippines. She was so excited that she could barely conceal her erection.
I've been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it's getting serious. She asked me to move out with her. My wife accidentally hit a cat with her car. Poor thing was asleep on the couch at the time. My wife came downstairs and said "Tell me honestly what I look like in this dress?" And that was the last time I ever saw her. Last night, my daughter's date dropped her off 2 hours late and to the wrong house. I should never have let her go out with a postman. My wife came home from work early and accused me of having a dildo up my arse. I denied it, but she eventually got it out of me
The dildo up the arse was real life for you wasn't it? Bit like that so so accident you had when you slipped in the shower and that shampoo bottle slid up your hairy arse
I'm off to work, you have a good day and keep me updated if any manager rumours that are good come out today on twitter By the way I wouldn't mind Owen Coyle he seems better working on a tight budget
Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning - wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out
Well done pedro ****ing road trip to Manchester within a week of you getting your car! Its a test you have to do otherwise you'll be a marky driver...... pussio
