Jokes

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This has just reminded me of an old joke (no, not me!)

What is the longest hair on the human body?

The eyelash - it grows inwards, right down inside the head, down through the neck, through the chest and abdomen and re-emerges as your pubes.

If you don't believe me, pluck one of your pubes and your eyes will start watering!
 
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And now for the real reason I came here...

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on.. So He sent one of His angels to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?
No, Dirty didn't get one either!
 
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Its great having a dyslexic secretary!
she's just given me the best blow job ever and I only sent her an e-mail asking if she could sack my cook!
 
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UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Yes.
Wife: Shut up. Don't you ever dare talk to mel!

Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: No.
Wife: Liar!!!

Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Maybe...
Wife: can u ever be decisive.

Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: I don't know.
Wife: Are you blind?

Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Depends...
Wife: Oh you comparing me with someone else...

Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Silence...
Wife: Are you deaf?
 
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