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Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
Seen a few of their videos. If I had done my normal Christmas gala on the music thread last December, then their Christmas song would have made the list
Soon be Christmas Aski, get it upSeen a few of their videos. If I had done my normal Christmas gala on the music thread last December, then their Christmas song would have made the list
Don't forget that winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce.
Please go to a pet shop and buy a mesh feeder and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.
There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nuts.
Just remember, though . . . . it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
Please go to a pet shop and buy a mesh feeder and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.
There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nuts.
Just remember, though . . . . it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
people are strange! I could hear some bloke playing with himself in the next toilet cubicle to me. Put me right off my sandwich!!
Can't wait for part 2 of Philip Schofields new series .
Caravaning with Gary glitter
Caravaning with Gary glitter
Bought some rocket salad yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
Two queers caught in a house fire, which one gets out first? The one underneath, he's already got his sh*t packed.
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Mickey Mouse’s lawyer calls him up.
“Mickey, my receptionist left me a message that I find very confusing. She says that you want to divorce Minnie because she’s ‘really silly.’ Mickey, that’s not grounds for divorce in the state of California.”
[Do the Mickey voice, if you can!]
“I didn’t say she was ‘really silly!’ I said she was ****ing Goofy!”
“Mickey, my receptionist left me a message that I find very confusing. She says that you want to divorce Minnie because she’s ‘really silly.’ Mickey, that’s not grounds for divorce in the state of California.”
[Do the Mickey voice, if you can!]
“I didn’t say she was ‘really silly!’ I said she was ****ing Goofy!”
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy, ehh?
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them."
"Passenger" Mmm, not many like that around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow."
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy, ehh?
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them."
"Passenger" Mmm, not many like that around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow."
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