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Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
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I Shagged a woman wearing a burka last night.
It was brilliant I really, really enjoyed it! but she said next time she wants to see more than just my eyes.
It was brilliant I really, really enjoyed it! but she said next time she wants to see more than just my eyes.
A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir”
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir”
I was having a cuppa with the wife this morning and she saved me from choking to death on a custard cream.
She'd f*cking eaten them all.
She'd f*cking eaten them all.
The Mrs wants to start trying for a baby. She said “Is your sperm active?”
“Well it regularly leaps over magazines and computer screens.”
“Well it regularly leaps over magazines and computer screens.”
I nudged my wife in bed last night, and whispered, "Did you know it's National Orgasm Day?"
"Oh, what a pity," she yawned, turning away. "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!"
"Oh, what a pity," she yawned, turning away. "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!"
I recently spent £6500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young.
So he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.
So he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.
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