Jokes

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A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:

"Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
 
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19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"

Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
 
We were so poor as kids my dad went round and closed all the doors on Christmas Eve just so we could have something to open on Christmas morning