Jokes

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
Fairy Godmother gives a man 1 wish. He asks if he can live forever. The fairy godmother tells him that's the one wish that fairies are not aloud to grant.
The man thinks a while..... and then asks if he can die when Newcastle win the Champions League. The fairy goes ...."you crafty bastard"
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gessa
additions..... is u is , i axe u, wot, no wot i meen, innit, wotcha, talk to da and, see ya,

You must log in or register to see images
 
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'
 
  • Like
Reactions: FORZA LEEDS
Makemstine Roger said:
Fairy Godmother gives a man 1 wish. He asks if he can live forever. The fairy godmother tells him that's the one wish that fairies are not aloud to grant.
The man thinks a while..... and then asks if he can die when Newcastle win the Champions League. The fairy goes ...."you crafty bastard"
Click to expand...

*allowed.
 
Makemstine Roger said:
if you get rid of the parrot infestation
Click to expand...

Sorry but they're might be children reading* who don't know that they're two separate words:

1. aloud: as in to read aloud
2. allowed: as in not permitted

Children over 11 probably know the difference, but 11 years and under might not.


*Plus, of course, adults with a reading age of 11 and below, who identify themselves as they post.
 
Poly said:
Sorry but there might be children reading* who don't know that they're two separate words:

1. aloud: as in to read aloud
2. allowed: as in not permitted

Children over 11 probably know the difference, but 11 years and under might not.


Plus, of course, adults with a reading age of below 11, who identify themselves as they post.
Click to expand...
grown ups know this is a jokes thread, and not for petty childish bickering and point scoring,if you want an argument take it to the politics thread and you will get one
 
  • Like
Reactions: ristac, OLOF and Old Git
Makemstine Roger said:
grown ups know this is a jokes thread, and not for petty childish bickering and point scoring,if you want an argument take it to the politics thread and you will get one
Click to expand...

But some "grown ups" have child like reading skills...

They are easily identified as the ones taking most offence to their inadequacies being pointed out. But carry on with your jokes, some are quite amusing.
 
Poly said:
Sorry but they're might be children reading* who don't know that they're two separate words:

1. aloud: as in to read aloud
2. allowed: as in not permitted

Children over 11 probably know the difference, but 11 years and under might not.


*Plus, of course, adults with a reading age of 11 and below, who identify themselves as they post.
Click to expand...


I presume you mean "there" as opposed to "they're" given that "they're" is a contraction of "they are" and "sorry but they are might be children" doesn't make any sense ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: oldschool, 2 pennth, xbpod and 7 others
Poly said:
But some "grown ups" have child like reading skills...

They are easily identified as the ones taking most offence to their inadequacies being pointed out. But carry on with your jokes, some are quite amusing.
Click to expand...
some grown ups suffer from halitosis, fellatio is often the cause:emoticon-0105-wink:
 
  • Like
Reactions: OLOF
Poly said:
Sorry but they're might be children reading* who don't know that they're two separate words:

1. aloud: as in to read aloud
2. allowed: as in not permitted

Children over 11 probably know the difference, but 11 years and under might not.


*Plus, of course, adults with a reading age of 11 and below, who identify themselves as they post.
Click to expand...
#2 should be disallowed - not permitted. Just saying.




This is fun, eh?
 
  • Like
Reactions: FORZA LEEDS, OLOF, **Hector ** and 1 other person
Aski said:
I presume you mean "there" as opposed to "they're" given that "they're" is a contraction of "they are" and "sorry but they are might be children" doesn't make any sense ;)
Click to expand...

I did.

Should read "There may be children..." not "they're may be children..."

Thanks for spotting that, grammar is important. I had it right the first time.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Aski
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back