It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local business’s as a result of covid-19 ......... A local submarine company has gone under...... A dog kennels has had to call in the retrievers ....... A strip club has gone tits up and ...... A company supplying paper to origami enthusiasts has folded.
An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was talking to the bartender when he noticed an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, and a wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man. “That’s the Memory Man.” said the bartender. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.” So the man goes over, and thinking that he wouldn’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?” “Liverpool,” replies the Memory Man. “Who did they beat?” “Leeds,” was the reply. “And the score?” “2-1.” “Who scored the winning goal?” “Ian St. John,” was the old man’s reply. The tourist was bowled over by this and told everyone back home in England about the Memory Man when he returned. A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar, and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian, just a bit older and more wrinkled. Because he was so impressed, the man decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue. He approached him with the greeting “How”. The Memory Man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!
I've been dating a homeless woman recently. I think it's getting serious. She asked me to move out with her.
My doctor said that I should put a bar in my shower to stop me falling over. Stupid b*stard! After four double rums I can't even find the f*cking soap!
So disappointed that social distancing is being reduced to one metre. The wife will f*cking want to get in bed with me again now!