Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
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I was telling my mate that my wife has a weird habit of licking my balls.
He said, " That's not weird. I wish my wife would do that."
I said, " I didn't know that you played golf."
He said, " That's not weird. I wish my wife would do that."
I said, " I didn't know that you played golf."
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The Royal Mail created a special edition Keir Starmer Stamp, but the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged Keir Starmer who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and £2million of tax payers money the investigation presented the following findings.
The stamp is in perfect order, there is nothing wrong with the adhesive, people are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
This enraged Keir Starmer who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and £2million of tax payers money the investigation presented the following findings.
The stamp is in perfect order, there is nothing wrong with the adhesive, people are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
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This is a windup
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A cockney lass, an Arab and a Romanian were drinking in a pub. The Arab finishes his alcohol free beer, pitches his glass into the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass into a million pieces. "In Arabia we have so much sand that our glasses are cheap and we need never drink from the same glass twice". The Romanian necks his drink, throws the glass into the air, pulls out his AK47 and blasts the glass into a million fragments. "In Romania, make so many glasses that they are cheap, and we need never drink from the same glass twice." The cockney lass downs her pint in one go, throws her glass into the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the Arab and the Romanian, catches the glass and orders another pint. "In London we have so many f*cking foreigners we never need drink with the same ones twice."
My cat's been diagnosed with schizophrenia. The mad hairy bastard's got 18 lives now.
So a fella walks into a pub with a biscuit tin and a mouse.
He says to the barman: "Watch this". He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing.
The barman says: "Blimey, how long does he dance for?"
"As long as you like," said the fella.
"I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman.
"Sold," said the fella.
That night the fella gets a call from the barman. "How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?"
The fella says: "Lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle".
He says to the barman: "Watch this". He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing.
The barman says: "Blimey, how long does he dance for?"
"As long as you like," said the fella.
"I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman.
"Sold," said the fella.
That night the fella gets a call from the barman. "How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?"
The fella says: "Lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle".