Michael O'Leary, the managing director of Ryanair, arrives in Dublin. He enters a pub and orders a pint of draft Guinness. The bartender nods and says, "That'll be one euro, sir." Surprised, O'Leary replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the euro. The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest brewery in Ireland." "Cheers," O'Leary responds. Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro." Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender. Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you." O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender. "I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!" "Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second." "I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."
I made my morning coffee today with Red Bull instead of water... I was half way to work before I realized that I'd forgotten my car.
Mick and Paddy were on board a cruise ship. Paddy says to Mick "Its very quiet tonight, Mick, where is everyone?" "They're probably all listening to the band." "I didn't know there was a band onboard." "Oh, yes I heard someone say 'a band on ship'"
