Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have Sex three times a Night..?!?!? Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued..?? After the show, Cilla says, "Sean darlin , if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer'...??? "Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra, lorra fun'. So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to Bed and had an hour of mad passionate Sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, 'If you think that was good", "Let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my Balls in your left hand and ma Willie in your right hand'..?? Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says 'Okay'. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better Sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful'. But if you let me shleep for a Full Hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have too".. "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer Bat 'n Balls again. No problem Hun'. says Cilla. So, Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks, 'Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer Balls in one hand and yer Willie in de other' does it really stimulate yer that much"..??? Sean replies, 'No, not at all Cilla, * "It's joosth the last time I shlept with a Scouser, the bitch Stole ma Wallet".
And just like that, Grandma was off the list for church fundraisers.and the xmas card list please log in to view this image
An Irishman named Paddy got a call from his doctor. “I’ve some bad news for you… you have cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.” Paddy, shocked and saddened by the news, managed to compose himself. He saw his son who had been waiting. Paddy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints.” After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Paddy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Paddy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad… he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave Paddy their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Paddy’s son leaned over and whispered, “Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!” Paddy said,”I am dying from cancer, son, I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.”
The council want to build a monument in the town square so they put the job out to tender. Three tenders are received and the town clerk calls the three builders in for interview. The first builder gives his tender of £3,000 and tells the clerk how it breaks down: "That's £1,000 for me, £1,000 for materials and £1,000 for my workmen." "Very good," says the town clerk and calls in the next builder who gives a tender of £6,000. "That's £2,000 for me," says the second builder, " £2,000 for materials and £2,000 for my workmen," "Very good," says the town clerk and calls in the third builder who gives a tender of £9,000. "That sounds a bit expensive," says the town clerk. "How does that break down." "Well," says the third builder, "It's £3,000 for me, £3,000 for you and then we give the job to the first builder."
