Jokes

Last night my husband asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl. I said, "I didn't know he could."

 

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The missus wanted me to take her to Vegas to see The Temptations...

I ended up taking her to Primark to see Four Tops instead....!!!

 

• A man once said to me, "I"m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library."
• I thought, "That"ll be a turn-up for the books."

 

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Sometimes this thread is worse than the BBC, with all the repeats

Rog you previously posted this one less than 24 hours ago

 

just checking if the rest are still awake they are like the joke below

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Paddy is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny
mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top
of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without
underwear.
The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires,

"Are you looking at my vagina?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," Paddy replies and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite all right," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll
make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the vagina blows him a kiss.
Paddy, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder
vagina can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

Paddy stares in amazement as the vagina winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.

Paddy moves over and she smiles and asks,"Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Paddy replies, "You’re kidding—you mean it can whistle, too?”

 

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help wanted how do i zoom in to the landing strip in the bush

 

Open out by spreading with your fingers.

 

yea but im on pc and im talking gash not growler