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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

    The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

    "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

    "Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

    The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

    Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.

    He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree.

    He begins the prayer but continues praying for several minutes.

    The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

    The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
     
    #6081
  2. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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  3. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    #6083
    ellandback and Makemstine Roger like this.
  4. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

    The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

    Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

    The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

    "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
     
    #6084
  5. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    ellandback and Makemstine Roger like this.
  6. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    ellandback and Makemstine Roger like this.
  7. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar backward.

    The little boy asked why he wore his collar backward.

    The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father'

    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy is also a father, but he doesn't wear his collar like that'

    The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many.'

    The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

    The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds' and went back to reading his book.

    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backward instead of your collar.
     
    #6087
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  8. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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  9. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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  10. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    They are both wrong, its a lower case letter "g"
     
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  11. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    just had a walk round town and bizarrely all the nail bars,beauty parlours,tanning studios and hairdressers are all closed...it's gonna get ugly
     
    #6091
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    OLOF and oldschool like this.
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #6095
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  16. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    studies have suggested that among an average sized group of friends at least one will be hiding a gambling addiction.....my money's on alan
     
    #6096
  17. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member
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  18. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    A mans checks into a motel and as he gets his key he says "I hope the porn channel is disabled"

    "No" says the desk clerk, "It's just regular porn, you sick bastard".
     
    #6098
  19. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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