Jokes

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Paddy and Murphy are walking through the forest and notice a sign saying 'Tree Fellers Wanted'

Paddy turns to murphy and says, shame there is only 2 of us.



Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
 
Surely it should be

Roy Keane goes to the doctors and say's ''doc, every time I have sex doggie style my back really hurts''.
doc say's ''try a different position then!''
Roy say's ''I would but the dog keeps licking my mouth''

That is all[/QUOTE]
 
" Hello little girl, that's a nice dog, what's he called?"

" He's called Porky"

" What an unusual name for a dog, why do you call him Porky"

" Cos he f***s pigs "
 
My wife asked me if she pleased me in bed?

"Yes" i said, " i love that trick you do with your mouth"

"what trick?" she asked.

"You know,the one where you shut it and go to ****ing sleep"
 
As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo **** sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'
 
Billy Mackem finds a brass lamp, he gives it a rub on his string vest to see if it'll shine up, to his surprise a genie pops out,"I will grant you 3 wishes says the genie", Billy Mackem thinks hard for a few minutes and when the steam has cleared he says to the genie "I want to be up tight, out of sight and in the groove", the genie turns him into a tampax.
 
*****phile and a little girl in the woods. The girl says: "It's creepy here, I'm scared." The *****phile replies: "YOU'RE SCARED?! I'm the one who's gonna have to walk home on my own."
 
Men think about sex every seven seconds.

Which is why I eat hot dogs in under six seconds...

so it doesn't get weird.
 
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