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Jokes

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Heavy Metal Toon, Jan 28, 2011.

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  1. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    A banana and apple walk into a bar

    bartender says sorry guys we dont serve food ;)
     
    #21
    KingoStarr, Jan 28, 2011
  2. ArfaLobbon

    ArfaLobbon Member

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    hahaha we all like Sickipedia.org too much, we are going to HELL!!!!!
     
    #22
    ArfaLobbon, Jan 28, 2011
  3. ToonSi

    ToonSi Active Member

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    Paddy and Murphy are walking through the forest and notice a sign saying 'Tree Fellers Wanted'

    Paddy turns to murphy and says, shame there is only 2 of us.



    Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
     
    #23
    ToonSi, Jan 28, 2011
  4. The Wilde one

    The Wilde one Member

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    What's the difference between Madaleine McCan and Madaleine McCan jokes? The jokes will get old.
     
    #24
    The Wilde one, Jan 28, 2011
  5. NobbysTeeth

    NobbysTeeth Member

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    Six year old boy in the bath examining his testicles sez "Are these my brains mummy?" and she replies "Not yet son".
     
    #25
    NobbysTeeth, Jan 28, 2011
  6. Amnesiac

    Amnesiac Guest

    What's the one thing Google can't find?

    Madaleine McCann
     
    #26
    Amnesiac, Jan 28, 2011
  7. WalkerTexasRanger

    WalkerTexasRanger Member

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    Why are pirates called pirates?

    Because they arrrrrrrrrrr!
     
    #27
    WalkerTexasRanger, Jan 28, 2011
  8. SeatonSluiceToon

    SeatonSluiceToon Member

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    Why do most Chinese people end up in north west london? Because they get in a taxi and say 'harrow!'
     
    #28
    SeatonSluiceToon, Jan 28, 2011
  9. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    Surely it should be

    Roy Keane goes to the doctors and say's ''doc, every time I have sex doggie style my back really hurts''.
    doc say's ''try a different position then!''
    Roy say's ''I would but the dog keeps licking my mouth''

    That is all[/QUOTE]
     
    #29
    Gutierrez's Right Boot, Jan 28, 2011
  10. NobbysTeeth

    NobbysTeeth Member

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    Whats pink and fluffy? PINK FLUFF.Whats blue and fluffy? PINK FLUFF HOLDING ITS BREATH.
     
    #30
    NobbysTeeth, Jan 28, 2011

  11. Joelinton's Right Foot

    Joelinton's Right Foot Worth Every Penny

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    Did you hear the one about the football manager who was so **** he signed Titus Bramble twice......
     
    #31
    Joelinton's Right Foot, Jan 29, 2011
  12. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    " Hello little girl, that's a nice dog, what's he called?"

    " He's called Porky"

    " What an unusual name for a dog, why do you call him Porky"

    " Cos he f***s pigs "
     
    #32
    jimileysbaldhead, Jan 29, 2011
  13. ThrillerinAsprilla

    ThrillerinAsprilla Active Member

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    My wife asked me if she pleased me in bed?

    "Yes" i said, " i love that trick you do with your mouth"

    "what trick?" she asked.

    "You know,the one where you shut it and go to ****ing sleep"
     
    #33
    ThrillerinAsprilla, Jan 29, 2011
  14. RyanNUFC

    RyanNUFC Member

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    As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo **** sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'
     
    #34
    RyanNUFC, Jan 29, 2011
  15. Blacker-than-Knight

    Blacker-than-Knight Slainte

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    Billy Mackem finds a brass lamp, he gives it a rub on his string vest to see if it'll shine up, to his surprise a genie pops out,"I will grant you 3 wishes says the genie", Billy Mackem thinks hard for a few minutes and when the steam has cleared he says to the genie "I want to be up tight, out of sight and in the groove", the genie turns him into a tampax.
     
    #35
    Blacker-than-Knight, Jan 29, 2011
  16. The Wilde one

    The Wilde one Member

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    *****phile and a little girl in the woods. The girl says: "It's creepy here, I'm scared." The *****phile replies: "YOU'RE SCARED?! I'm the one who's gonna have to walk home on my own."
     
    #36
    The Wilde one, Feb 5, 2011
  17. Amnesiac

    Amnesiac Guest

    Men think about sex every seven seconds.

    Which is why I eat hot dogs in under six seconds...

    so it doesn't get weird.
     
    #37
    Amnesiac, Feb 5, 2011
  18. Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:)

    Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:) Active Member

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    yeah sounds like us at the moment to be honest
     
    #38
    Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:), Feb 5, 2011
  19. The Wilde one

    The Wilde one Member

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    Haha.
     
    #39
    The Wilde one, Feb 5, 2011
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