The police are looking for a gun selling dwarf in London, believed to be a small arms dealer.
**** jokes thread
- Thread starter PINKIE
- Start date
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Nah I'm half way through and not in jail yet. Doing okay so far.
Man walks into a pub and there is a white horse serving behind the bar .
The man says " Weird , they sell a whiskey here named after you " .
Horse replies " What ERIC ? " .
The man says " Weird , they sell a whiskey here named after you " .
Horse replies " What ERIC ? " .
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Scotsman in a bar comes back from the loo to see a statuesque black woman squatting on the bar over his pint.
"Oi ... you Fart In Ma Whitbread?"
"NO ... I'm Tessa Sanderson"
"Oi ... you Fart In Ma Whitbread?"
"NO ... I'm Tessa Sanderson"
What an age we live in everything computerised and done by machines. Pictures of bones, MRI, life support
Yet when you need a prostate exam a bloke sticks finger up your arse and wiggles it about
Yet when you need a prostate exam a bloke sticks finger up your arse and wiggles it about
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Snowballs.
I was going to post a time travel joke, but none of you ****s liked it.
What do you call a deaf Gorilla with a machine gun ?
Anything you like , he can't hear you .
I'm out for now !
Anything you like , he can't hear you .
I'm out for now !
@Skylarker
Remember mate you don't need to smuggle coke in your arse through customs anymore
You can buy another can in the departure lounge
Remember mate you don't need to smuggle coke in your arse through customs anymore
You can buy another can in the departure lounge
When @Spurlock was a wee young thuglife his peeps would cover him in chocolate and cream with cherries on top
Life was tough in the gateau
Life was tough in the gateau
Paddy applied to join the police. Sits down for an interview and the interviewing officer asks him.
"Who killed Jesus Christ?"
Paddy shrugs so the officer says "Well fcuk off and come back when you've found out"
Mick is waiting for Paddy outside
"How'd it go"
"Pretty good. They've put me on a murder case already, so they have"
"Who killed Jesus Christ?"
Paddy shrugs so the officer says "Well fcuk off and come back when you've found out"
Mick is waiting for Paddy outside
"How'd it go"
"Pretty good. They've put me on a murder case already, so they have"
Never argue with an Italian baker.
He'll beat the focaccia.
He'll beat the focaccia.
Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant
Woman: I am pregnant?
Doctor: no you just look like it, you fat cnut
Woman: I am pregnant?
Doctor: no you just look like it, you fat cnut
What was Churchill famous for?
Last white person to be called Winston
<itsokiamasiansonotracist>
Last white person to be called Winston
<itsokiamasiansonotracist>
Man buys a lie detector to use on his Son when he gets home from school:
Father: So Son you went school today right?
Son: Of course I was
*BEEP*
Son: Okay I was at the cinema:
*BEEP*
Son: okay fine! I had a few beers with my friends.
Father: What?! I would never dream of touching alcohol at your age!
*BEEP*
Mother listening in: Ha ha! Definitely your Son.
*BEEP*...
Father: So Son you went school today right?
Son: Of course I was
*BEEP*
Son: Okay I was at the cinema:
*BEEP*
Son: okay fine! I had a few beers with my friends.
Father: What?! I would never dream of touching alcohol at your age!
*BEEP*
Mother listening in: Ha ha! Definitely your Son.
*BEEP*...