Man walks into a pub and there is a white horse serving behind the bar . The man says " Weird , they sell a whiskey here named after you " . Horse replies " What ERIC ? " .
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Scotsman in a bar comes back from the loo to see a statuesque black woman squatting on the bar over his pint. "Oi ... you Fart In Ma Whitbread?" "NO ... I'm Tessa Sanderson"
What an age we live in everything computerised and done by machines. Pictures of bones, MRI, life support Yet when you need a prostate exam a bloke sticks finger up your arse and wiggles it about
What do you call a deaf Gorilla with a machine gun ? Anything you like , he can't hear you . I'm out for now !
@Skylarker Remember mate you don't need to smuggle coke in your arse through customs anymore You can buy another can in the departure lounge
When @Spurlock was a wee young thuglife his peeps would cover him in chocolate and cream with cherries on top Life was tough in the gateau
Paddy applied to join the police. Sits down for an interview and the interviewing officer asks him. "Who killed Jesus Christ?" Paddy shrugs so the officer says "Well fcuk off and come back when you've found out" Mick is waiting for Paddy outside "How'd it go" "Pretty good. They've put me on a murder case already, so they have"
Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant Woman: I am pregnant? Doctor: no you just look like it, you fat cnut
Man buys a lie detector to use on his Son when he gets home from school: Father: So Son you went school today right? Son: Of course I was *BEEP* Son: Okay I was at the cinema: *BEEP* Son: okay fine! I had a few beers with my friends. Father: What?! I would never dream of touching alcohol at your age! *BEEP* Mother listening in: Ha ha! Definitely your Son. *BEEP*...
