Off Topic Jokes thread

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Police pulls over Paddy for speeding
"have you been drinking Sir?" Paddy replies
"yes officer i've had about 18 pints, 2 bottles of hooch and 6 bacardi and cokes."
Police says
"what the hell are you doing driving ??"
Paddy replies
"I couldn't fu#kin walk''
 
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STORY OF THE DAY -
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George Best on Puskás: “I was with (Bobby) Charlton, (Denis) Law and Puskás, we were coaching a football academy in Australia. The youngsters did not respect Puskás, including making fun of his weight and age. We decided to let the guys challenge a coach to hit the crossbar 10 times in a row, obviously, they picked the old large guy. Dennis Law asked the kids how many they thought the old large coach would get out of ten. Most said less than five. I
said ten. The old large guy stepped up and hit nine in a row. For the tenth shot, he scooped the ball in the air, bounced it off both shoulders and his head, then flicked it over with his heel and cannoned the ball off the crossbar on the volley. They all stood in silence, shocked, then one kid asked who he was, I replied, "To you, his name is Mr. Puskás".
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