Off Topic Jokes thread
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Saw a man elbow a woman's boob as she was standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologized profusely & said "if your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 207"
To which the woman replied "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 207"
Called the doctors this morning and told them I’d had the shi*s for 3 weeks.
She said, "Another 3 to go and they will be back at school." And put the phone down on me....
She said, "Another 3 to go and they will be back at school." And put the phone down on me....
Not the best place for an advertisement!......
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Paddy was planning to get Married and asked his Doctor how he could tell if his Bride is a Virgin..???
The Doctor said, “Well, you need Three things from a Do-It-Yourself Shop.
A Can of Red Paint, a Can of Blue Paint… and a Shovel.
”Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, Doc”..???
The Doctor replied, “Before the Wedding Night, you Paint one of your Testicles Red and the other Testicle Blue.
Then if she says, "That’s the strangest Pair of Balls I've ever seen", you hit her with the Shovel"..
The Doctor said, “Well, you need Three things from a Do-It-Yourself Shop.
A Can of Red Paint, a Can of Blue Paint… and a Shovel.
”Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, Doc”..???
The Doctor replied, “Before the Wedding Night, you Paint one of your Testicles Red and the other Testicle Blue.
Then if she says, "That’s the strangest Pair of Balls I've ever seen", you hit her with the Shovel"..
A pirate goes to his doctor and says (do this with your best pirate voice) “Doctor, I’ve got these lumps on my arm”.
The doctor spends a few minutes looking at them before saying “Don’t worry, they’re benign”.
The pirate goes quiet for a few moments before saying “Benign you say? This morning there only be eight!”
The doctor spends a few minutes looking at them before saying “Don’t worry, they’re benign”.
The pirate goes quiet for a few moments before saying “Benign you say? This morning there only be eight!”
