Off Topic Jokes thread
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Isn’t Geography Brilliant !
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Just been to the doctors he said what’s up?
I said I keep seeing into the future, he said when did this start?
I said next Friday
I said I keep seeing into the future, he said when did this start?
I said next Friday
Why men prefer to watch football in pubs or cafes
Wife:
Where are you going?
Husband:
Watch the game at the pub.
Wife:
Why don't you watch it with me?
Husband:
I want to watch it with my friends.
Wife:
So I mean nothing to you?
Husband:
OK, OK. I am staying.
Wife:
Why is the goalkeeper in black?
Husband:
He is mourning his mother.
Wife:
The commentator how does he know all the names?
Husband:
It's his job.
Wife: There's a goal.
Husband:
No, it's an offside.
Wife:
What is offside?
Husband:
No, it's a goal. Just kidding.
Wife:
OK, but what is offside?
Husband: Offside is the name of the Coach.
Wife:
Where's the Coach?
Husband:
He is off the field.
Wife:
Why isn't he playing?
Husband:
No, he doesn't play. He changes the players and the game tactics.
Wife:
Tell me, is Maradona there?
Husband:
No, he dîed.
Wife:
Oh my God, how?
Husband:
He watched a game with his wife.
That's how the fight started and we have been trying since last Sunday to settle the matter..!!
All reactions:
149149
Wife:
Where are you going?
Husband:
Watch the game at the pub.
Wife:
Why don't you watch it with me?
Husband:
I want to watch it with my friends.
Wife:
So I mean nothing to you?
Husband:
OK, OK. I am staying.
Wife:
Why is the goalkeeper in black?
Husband:
He is mourning his mother.
Wife:
The commentator how does he know all the names?
Husband:
It's his job.
Wife: There's a goal.
Husband:
No, it's an offside.
Wife:
What is offside?
Husband:
No, it's a goal. Just kidding.
Wife:
OK, but what is offside?
Husband: Offside is the name of the Coach.
Wife:
Where's the Coach?
Husband:
He is off the field.
Wife:
Why isn't he playing?
Husband:
No, he doesn't play. He changes the players and the game tactics.
Wife:
Tell me, is Maradona there?
Husband:
No, he dîed.
Wife:
Oh my God, how?
Husband:
He watched a game with his wife.
That's how the fight started and we have been trying since last Sunday to settle the matter..!!
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You must log in or register to see images
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All reactions:
149149
Little April
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God almighty!" shouted April.
The teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted April.
The teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that blo*dy thing in me one more time, I'll break it in two and stick it where the sun don't shine!"
The teacher decided it would be best to not ask April any more questions.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God almighty!" shouted April.
The teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted April.
The teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that blo*dy thing in me one more time, I'll break it in two and stick it where the sun don't shine!"
The teacher decided it would be best to not ask April any more questions.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean £200 !"
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean £200 !"