Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."
I said, "Is that a fret?"....
I said, "Is that a fret?"....
A lorry containing Vanish has crashed and shed it's load in Surrey.
Police say Staines has completely disappeared.......
Police say Staines has completely disappeared.......
I can’t believe it’s nearly pancake day again.
Honestly, it just crêped up on me......
Honestly, it just crêped up on me......
I went to the swankiest burger van ever.
It had 4 Michelin tyres......
It had 4 Michelin tyres......
- A cannibal walks into the clearing his tribe uses for a toilet.
- He sees his best friend taking a dump and crying his eyes out.
- "What's wrong with you?" he asks.
- His pal looks up at him with watery eyes and says
- "I've just dumped my girlfriend."
- What did Jesus say to his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross?
- "Don"t touch my fcuking Easter eggs, I"ll be back on Monday."
- A female loves to golf with her husband, but her game could improve, so she decides to take private lessons.
- The wife goes for her lesson.
- The pro watches her swing and says,"No, no, no, you"re gripping the club way too hard."
- "What can I do?" asks the wife.
- "Hold the club gently, just like you"d hold your husband"s penis.
- "The wife takes the advice, swings & Thump. The ball goes straight down the fairway...about 15 ft.
- "That was great," the pro says with a straight face.
- "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you"re supposed to!"
- I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and custard in the other.
- So I turned to him and said, "are you a trifle deaf?"
- He said, "no, I"m mentally ill as it happens."
- How do you tell when an Indian boy becomes a man?
- When the nappy goes from the arse to the head......